everyone wants some good movies

2016 movies I want to watch (some already came out but I haven't gotten to them):

Captain America Civil War - I am just an okay fan of the Avengers movies (but at least these are not the new sucky brand of DC superhero movies).  But the Captain America ones are the best of the bunch.
X-Men Apocalypse - Loved First Class and Days Of Future Past.  Buzz on third one is not so great, unfortunately.  But I am still in.
Finding Dory - Pixar pics are mostly a no-lose proposition (except for the Cars and Monster Inc ones)
Star Trek Beyond - Loved the first and didn't like the second.  But I really like the cast - everyone is so perfectly cast in their Star Trek characters, so count me in.
Jason Bourne - Yes to return of Matt Damon!
La La Land - How can you lose with Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone in a musical set in Hollywood???
The Lobster - Buzz is amazing on this Colin Farrell romance indie set in a world where everyone has only 45 days to fall in love or be turned into an animal of his/her choosing.  Is this the next Eternal Sunshine?
Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk - Ang Lee is an automatic in for me.
Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them - JK Rowling post-Harry Potter.  This looks magical.
(Deadpool) - Love me some subversive Ryan Reynolds superhero.
(Everybody Wants Some) - Richard Linklater is an automatic in for me.
(Sing Street) - Another music-filled feel-good movie from John Carney (Once, Begin Again).  Who doesn't need this in their lives?

thank you for being a friend

Last week, I almost died.  I was watching Golden Girls.  I was taking a gulp of my water when Bea Arthru did one of her deadpan looks.  I literally choked on the water and was heaving for breath for a good minute.  It actually was really scary.  I honestly felt like I have never been closer to death.

Can you imagine what my obit would say if I did die from watching Golden Girls?  Other people die either from diseases, or something really dramatic or heroic.  I die from watching a rerun of a sitcom about a bunch of old ladies living in a house in Florida. Oy-vey.

the colour in everything

Weather:  Gloriously sunny and mild
Mood:  Stressed but trying to fight it
Music:  James Blake - The Colour In Anything (A) and Radiohead - A Moon-Shaped Pool (B+)
Last Movie: In Bruges (rewatch) - Man, I love this movie so much.
Reading:  nothing
Last Pleasure:  Watching Golden Girls rerun on Hallmark channel
Last Worry: Trump (aside from my trifecta of worries these days - house, mom, Chi Young)
Last accomplishment: Making really yummy herb-crusted lamb chops for Mother's Day
Looking Forward To:  Captain America Civil War and La La Land
Not Really Looking Forward To:  Calling more contractors (that profession has become my least favorite of all professions - even worse than lawyers and journalists and auto mechanics)
Gas Price: $2.749/gallon premium at Costco
Clothes:  Orange/blue checkered shirt from Land's End, navy blue fleece pants from Uniqlo

Today's Headline:  Trump Blasts New York Times Over Lame Hit Piece They Did On Me and Women

Last Website Visited:  curbed.com
Last Meal: Chicken cabbage quinoa salad
Last Purchase:  Notting Hill blu ray
Item On My Wishlist:  Fantastic Cities coloring book
Latest Evidence It's A Beautiful World: Daniel Buren's color treatment of Frank Gehry's Fondation Louis Vuitton

i saw your ghost

Dear Y:  I hope this letter finds you well.  It's been two years since we've parted.  It was great while it lasted, but then again, it wasn't great enough to last.  All the things that people do to each other - make each other happy, infuriate one another, build up the other person's dream, break each other's heart - I guess we did it all.  I do think about you sometimes.  I am not sure though whether I think about the idea of you, what I've built you up to be in my head, or actually about you the person I was with.  Regardless, whenever I do think of you, whichever version that is, I inevitably wish I were not some messed up person who cannot make things work.  I wish I were that person whom you wanted to stick around for, that person worthy of your trying.  I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if I would ever grow up to be that type of man.  Like someone who makes someone else want to put everything on the line and say, "I am in.  I am all in."  But I know I am not yet that man.  I have too much crap.  I am not nice enough.  I am petty and selfish.  I don't love hard enough.  I hold things too close to the chest.  I am often times inauthentic.  I worry too much about what other people want from me and what they want me to be.  I think you wanted an authentic person to be your life partner.  You thought I tried too hard to say the right thing and do the right thing, but I end up saying and doing all the wrong things because those things I say and do are not real.  There was one fight that we had where you said, "Why do you do that?  Can't you just not be so appeasing?  It's like, the more you try to be likable, the less likable you are."  That comment cut me to the core.  I hated you when you said it.  Not that it wasn't the truth.  But I hated that you thought that of me.  You were supposed to love me and see the best in me.  Being critical of me was my job, not yours.  Maybe that's why it didn't work - because we both saw that me that I didn't like.  Now granted, you had issues too.  I am just saying.  But this is actually not the reason I am writing today.  I am not writing to rehash what went wrong.  I am writing simply because I heard a song today.  My library was playing on shuffle, and it came on.  It was Jose Gonzalez's cover of Hand On Your Heart.  Do you remember what that song meant to us?  Or have I attached too much meaning to it over the years?  It just made me very wistful, like seeing a thousand sunsets, or watching a time lapse of our would-be growing children, or smelling the perfume my mother used to wear when she was young.  So I am writing you this letter to let you know - someone from your past thought of you today.  I don't want anything from you.  I don't need to know about your new life, whom you are loving now, what you last dreamed about last night.  But I think sometimes it's nice to know that even when people aren't together anymore, their ghosts sometimes come floating in and out of each others' lives, just as a reminder.  Today I saw your ghost.  That's all.  Take care, M     

still around

I've been feeling like crap lately.  It's the house, my mom, Chi Young, etc.  Problems I cannot seem to do anything about.  I feel so helpless.  All day long, my stomach is just in knots.  I can feel the acid churning down there.  I haven't slept straight for more than four hours.  I honestly believe if I keep going like this, I will have a mental breakdown.

So I think it's time for me to try harder to focus on the positivity.  Of course I know that my life is not the worst and that I have lots to be grateful for.  I just need to remind myself:

- I get to work at home a few days a week.
- I get to see the sunset from my living room window.
- I will likely never be homeless.
- My mother is still around.
- Madonna is still around and making music and touring and fighting the good fight.
- Amazing Race is still around, and this season is killing it.
- I still watch Amazing Race with Chi Young.
- Chi Young is at least working.
- Tax refunds!
- New Costco Visa card coming.
- Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and iZombie renewed for another season.
- Gilmore Girls reunion coming to Netflix by end of year.
- Team Captain America.
- Tom Holland and Marisa Tomei in Spider-Man Homecoming.  (Since I am focusing on positivity, I am trying hard to ignore that that annoying and self-righteous Zendaya somehow got herself a role in this.)
- Edelman and Amendola bromance.
- Iced milk from i-Tea on Irving or Purple Kow on Balboa.
- Cheap breakfast or afternoon tea at Lychee Cafe on Irving.
- Texas toast and texas corn salad from Armadillo Willy's.
- This photo of Prince George with Obama.

his purple reign

The world of music has lost one of its royalty.  Prince has died.  He is 57.  Cause of death is unknown at the moment.

Prince is a musical genius.  My favorite Prince songs are endless - When Doves Cry, 1999, Little Red Corvette, Delirious, When You Were Mine, Let's Go Crazy, Kiss, Nothing Compares 2 U, but like most music icons, it's as much about cultural impact as it is about the music.  Prince was as iconic and unique as they come.  He was his own star and supernova.  Everything about Prince - his sound, his image, his fashion - is forever burnt into our history.   
 
It's crazy to think that the music icons of the eighties are now dying off.  It's too early, right?  Michael Jackson, Prince, and Madonna were all born in 1958.  What a year that was.  I am so dreadful of the day when I would get some news about Madonna.  But then again, that woman is so tough that she would likely outlast us all.

Today though is about the artist formerly known as Prince Rogers Nelson.  Thank u for the gift that u have given us.  Goodnight and Godspeed, sweet Prince.  This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

leaky leak

I finally got my reroofing done a couple of weeks ago.  I paid a lot, a lot of money for it, in hopes that this will take care of all my leaks.  Guess what?  I think you know.  It rained yesterday night and today.  Not even heavy rain.  And the house is still leaking in pretty much all the same places.  This morning when I discovered all the wet spots again, I almost wanted to throw up.  My stomach is in knots.  I was hopeful.  Yesterday night, I even prayed to the house gods that my leaking problem would finally be over.  But the house gods, like the lotto gods or the football gods or the love gods, paid me no attention.  I don't even know anymore.  I am so close to just saying fuck it all.  Let it rain, let it leak, let it rot.  You think I am scared?  Well fuck you!  When it all comes crashing down, I am just going to move into a trailer home and eat corn nuts all day long.