Questions. I’ve got questions:
? Why is Amazon allowed to price gouge?
? Why are people care so desperately about their freedom to go to the park, beach, bar?
? Do I have enough Clorox wipes?
? Should I keep my hair longer after the quarantine?
? Is that a hand sanitizer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
? What is Zoom?
? Is my camera on?
? Disposable mask or cotton mask?
? Will there be a novel called Love In The Time Of Novel Coronavirus?
? Did I just hear somebody in the house coughing?
? Wait, which stack of mail/packages are more than three days old?
? Knope 2020?
Sunday, May 17, 2020
Sunday, August 25, 2019
burning
I am not ok with:
- RGB having pancreatic cancer - why must all the good people die and the evil people live forever?;
- More gun deaths, in Gilory CA, in Dayton OH, in El Paso TX;
- You-know-who dying at end of Veronica Mars season 4 - too unnecessary and a waste;
- Bruce Lee portrayal in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood - disrespectful and racist;
- Amazonia rainforest burning - we mankind are the worst for letting our Earth burn;
- Tom Holland's Spider-Man leaving MCU due to Disney's failed deal with Sony;
- Madame X videos getting ignored by MTV VMA - WTF with zero noms for some of the best video works of her career;, but then again the VMA is a joke anyways;
- How crazy and unsafe the area around my office has become - it's not ok to have to dodge my way around junkies shooting up just to get to work in the morning;
- Housing market in SF - so how do you save 20% of $1.5M and then afford a monthly mortgage of $7500 without pulling some Ocean's 11 heist or turning yourself into a vapid social media influencer (I hate that word so much)?; and
- The state of affair in HK.
- RGB having pancreatic cancer - why must all the good people die and the evil people live forever?;
- More gun deaths, in Gilory CA, in Dayton OH, in El Paso TX;
- You-know-who dying at end of Veronica Mars season 4 - too unnecessary and a waste;
- Bruce Lee portrayal in Once Upon A Time in Hollywood - disrespectful and racist;
- Amazonia rainforest burning - we mankind are the worst for letting our Earth burn;
- Tom Holland's Spider-Man leaving MCU due to Disney's failed deal with Sony;
- Madame X videos getting ignored by MTV VMA - WTF with zero noms for some of the best video works of her career;, but then again the VMA is a joke anyways;
- How crazy and unsafe the area around my office has become - it's not ok to have to dodge my way around junkies shooting up just to get to work in the morning;
- Housing market in SF - so how do you save 20% of $1.5M and then afford a monthly mortgage of $7500 without pulling some Ocean's 11 heist or turning yourself into a vapid social media influencer (I hate that word so much)?; and
- The state of affair in HK.
Friday, July 19, 2019
i took a pill and had a dream
A year ago, I was kidnapped, took a pill and had a dream. I went back to the my 17th year. Then I was in Medellin.
I am not sure whether this is a dream state or an awake state. But somehow I heard somebody say to me, "You haven't written about your depressing life in over a year. I enjoy reading about your depressing life." In this stupor, I thought, ask and you shall receive. If there is a demand, I will supply. I am nothing if not a person pleaser. So here I please you with my fragmented memories, real or otherwise. Writing words and sentences as if Instagram and Twitter didn't exist.
The most recent person I recall meeting was a woman named Madame X. She was alternately blonde and brunette in this dream. She had an eye patch, and an accordion. Sometimes she was licking the toe of a handsome Latin man. Then she released a pigeon from the rooftop of a New York City building. She was often surrounded by a group of chanting women who called themselves Orquestra Batukadeiras. I was mesmerized. I could sense this woman's aura. She was not like the others. She was powerful. She spoke of things that made people uncomfortable. She acted against people's expectations. It's a hard life when you don't fit into the roles other people want you to play. Then one night, Madame X went to a discotheque. It was by bad fate or by bad luck that a mad man chose that night and that place to go on his rampage. But life is always lived either by fate or by luck. Madame X was gunned down along with many others. The moment right before, they were dancing as if there were no tomorrow. Turns out there wasn't.
But then Madame X has many lives.
There were others in my dream too. A woman named Fleabag who owned a guinea pig themed cafe; she was savagely self-destructive but in a really funny way. A cool chick detective named Veronica in a town named Neptune. A teenage boy who went on a European vacation and met an experienced older Mysterio man. Call him by his name Peter. A Korean family who owned a convenience store in Toronto. A software engineer who died over and over again, starting over each time in a bathroom to the Harry Nilsson song Gotta Get Up. A band of teenagers fighting scary, strange things in a shopping mall in the halcyon summer of 1985.
I don't know what these people have in common, and how they thread into my story. They mean something. I will figure it out eventually.
There is a line that Madame X sang. "I know what I am. And I know what I am not." It makes me infinitely sad for some reason. It's a moment where even this powerful human being is admitting, in the end, I am just me - every reincarnation, every reinvention, every transformation is just a slight of hand. When the smoke clears, I am just left with the me who I had been all along. You cannot fake it. You cannot undo it. You cannot beat it out of you. I look into the mirror, my face all distorted like a Picasso painting. Yet there is no denying, no looking away from that same person. So you try to make peace. Shake hands with the person who was both never good enough and always better than you gave credit for. How do you be true to yourself and then be something more? Maybe it's ok if you can't.
I am not sure whether this is a dream state or an awake state. But somehow I heard somebody say to me, "You haven't written about your depressing life in over a year. I enjoy reading about your depressing life." In this stupor, I thought, ask and you shall receive. If there is a demand, I will supply. I am nothing if not a person pleaser. So here I please you with my fragmented memories, real or otherwise. Writing words and sentences as if Instagram and Twitter didn't exist.
The most recent person I recall meeting was a woman named Madame X. She was alternately blonde and brunette in this dream. She had an eye patch, and an accordion. Sometimes she was licking the toe of a handsome Latin man. Then she released a pigeon from the rooftop of a New York City building. She was often surrounded by a group of chanting women who called themselves Orquestra Batukadeiras. I was mesmerized. I could sense this woman's aura. She was not like the others. She was powerful. She spoke of things that made people uncomfortable. She acted against people's expectations. It's a hard life when you don't fit into the roles other people want you to play. Then one night, Madame X went to a discotheque. It was by bad fate or by bad luck that a mad man chose that night and that place to go on his rampage. But life is always lived either by fate or by luck. Madame X was gunned down along with many others. The moment right before, they were dancing as if there were no tomorrow. Turns out there wasn't.
But then Madame X has many lives.
There were others in my dream too. A woman named Fleabag who owned a guinea pig themed cafe; she was savagely self-destructive but in a really funny way. A cool chick detective named Veronica in a town named Neptune. A teenage boy who went on a European vacation and met an experienced older Mysterio man. Call him by his name Peter. A Korean family who owned a convenience store in Toronto. A software engineer who died over and over again, starting over each time in a bathroom to the Harry Nilsson song Gotta Get Up. A band of teenagers fighting scary, strange things in a shopping mall in the halcyon summer of 1985.
I don't know what these people have in common, and how they thread into my story. They mean something. I will figure it out eventually.
There is a line that Madame X sang. "I know what I am. And I know what I am not." It makes me infinitely sad for some reason. It's a moment where even this powerful human being is admitting, in the end, I am just me - every reincarnation, every reinvention, every transformation is just a slight of hand. When the smoke clears, I am just left with the me who I had been all along. You cannot fake it. You cannot undo it. You cannot beat it out of you. I look into the mirror, my face all distorted like a Picasso painting. Yet there is no denying, no looking away from that same person. So you try to make peace. Shake hands with the person who was both never good enough and always better than you gave credit for. How do you be true to yourself and then be something more? Maybe it's ok if you can't.
Sunday, June 24, 2018
i don't really care, do u?
Hello friend(s) - I cannot believe it's been over a year since we last corresponded. Nothing much going on other than our country's quick and certain descent into hell in a handbasket. (By the way, I have no idea what that phrase means - I mean, why a handbasket?) Somebody should tell N. Korea to not waste their time and money on long ranch missiles, cuz we can destroy ourselves on our own fine, thank you. I really just want to crawl into a hole most of the times to escape all the noise and tweets and Russian drama. But maybe we deserve the leader we got, because our culture is so vapid and devoid of anything resembling real humanity. Sure, there are exceptions - Jimmy Carter has cancer and is in his nineties, and last year was hospitalized from dehydration while working on a Habitat for Humanity worksite and went right back to it the very next day. But folk heroes are not what we as a nation value anymore. All we care about is our superficial, curated, hashtagged lives on Instagram. We are obsessed with ourselves. Everything we do is driven by our ego. And ego is what will drive us straight to that aforementioned hell...So with that out of the way, let me get back to what has been occupying me in the last year:
- Master Of None - Two seasons of pure art. Initially I was just happy to see intelligent and funny Asian representation on tv. But then as the series progressed, I realized I was in the hands of two masterful artists - Aziz Ansari and Alan Young. What I had thought was just a smarty-pants, hipster comedy turned into one of the best surprises of recent memory. It had shades of the Before trilogy, and that Thanksgiving episode is amongst the best episode of television I have ever watched.
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - The third coming of Gilmore Girls (the second being Bunheads) is set in the 1950's and stars the truly marvelous Rachel Brosnahan as a housewife whose huband leaves her. Her life falls into disarray and she ends up pursuing a career of stand-up comedy. The setting, the costumes, the supporting cast, the dialogue are all dreamy perfection. Not sure when I will get to revisit the Gilmores and Stars Hollow again, but for now, Midge Maisel in 1958 New York is a more than satisfying substitute.
- Spider-Man Homecoming, Black Panther, and Infinity War - Homecoming was the most enjoyable superhero movie I had watched in a long, long time, probably because it's the most grounded and it's just about a teenage boy trying to find his place rather than about some mystical super-villain trying to destroy the entire universe. Tom Holland is joyous perfection. And Marisa Tomei is way under-used. But then Black Panther came along and blew the world up with its cultural significance and positive message about one's place and responsibility in the world (not to mention it showed off African heritage and pride in such a shiny new way). Black Panther is the movie and superhero this divided country sorely needed. Wakanda Forever indeed. And finally Infinity War is an epic, exciting culmination of the MCU first phase. It's impressive how they managed to juggle so many characters in a single movie and not have one of them get lost in the shuffle. It goes to show how wonderful a job MCU has done over the years to establish their superhero characters. By the way, my favorite has always been Chris Evans' Captain America. I get somewhat verklempt knowing that the next movie will be his last.
- Sufjan Stevens - He is ubiquitous on my playlists - from his contribution to the soundtrack of Call Me By Your Name, to the outtake and remix compilation The Greatest Gift, to the solar system-themed Planetarium, to the live recording of his Carrie & Lowell tour, to his last single Tonya Harding (a rejected track for the movie I Tonya). The masses can have their Taylor Swifts and Beyonces; I've got my Sufjan, and it's all good.
- John Mayer - Chi Young's favorite. I agree that The Search For Everything is my favorite album from the last year. The guy knows his way around a melody, and the lyrics to In The Blood crush me everytime.
- Defenders and The Punisher - With the exception of Iron Fist (ugh), the Marvel superhero shows on Netflix are extremely binge-worthy. Daredevil, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, and the Punisher are all compelling characters. The problem with all these streaming shows though are, you wait for damn long for them to come back, and then you finish them in a week or less. And I am talking to you, Kimmy Schmidt!
- Timeless - One of the last of the major three Network shows that I watch, and they went and canceled it after a most enjoyable season two. #NBCsucks
- New Tax Bill - Have a nice life and get richer, rich people! Screw you and your health care and your future and your environment, anybody-who-is-not-rich people!
- The Me Too Movement - First Harvey Weinstein, and then pretty much every man in Hollywood, politics, tv, news, sports, etc. Yup, shocking that men of power engaged in sexual misconduct.
- Hurricanes and wildfires and volcanoes - We are mere mortals living on borrowed land and borrowed times. It is clearly Mother Nature's call.
- New Madonna and Vampire Weekend and Robyn - My three favorites (aside from Sufjan and James Blake) are all supposed to be coming back with new albums in the second half of 2018!!! I am particularly nervous for Madonna, since I will root for her forever, and not that she has anything more to prove, but I want her to really put out another masterpiece to just shut people up about how old and past her prime she is. When you listen to her playlist, from Everybody to Hung Up, it's amazing how many brilliant hit songs she's produced. Most artist will be revered for life and can live off of even a tiny fraction of Madonna's hits. It's just a mind-boggling run that will forever be unparalleled. Yes, her last three albums have not been able to hit those heights - either commercially or artistically, but I remain hopeful because she is Madonna and you don't count her out, ever.
- Anthony Bourdain's recent suicide - Rest in peace. Thank you for showing me world destinations and parts unknown and telling me their stories.
- Immigration - I am an immigrant. I will always be an immigrant. I remember as a little kid what an immigrant's life is like. I remember how my mother was berated by not only the social workers at the government welfare offices but also by her own sister who sponsored us here. I know in my blood why people sacrifice everything to move their families to another country, legally or illegally. The border wall, separating children from their parents and housing them in cages, parading around families whose relatives were killed by undocumented aliens to justify this country's inhumane anti-immigration policies, the campaign manager going "wah wah" when questioned about a child with down syndrome, the first lady wearing a jacket that says "I really don't care, do you?" when visiting border facilities, the director of Homeland Security going to a Mexican restaurant the day after she held a press conference touting zero tolerance - this is not the American that my mother, as a single parent with two small children, had dreamed of many years ago. Maybe the America that my mother dreamed of never quite existed, but the America at this very present time, under this current administration, would never even inspire such dreams and hopes. Not that we care - we are not about dreams and hopes anymore. Wah wah.
Sincerely,
Your Absent Friend
- Master Of None - Two seasons of pure art. Initially I was just happy to see intelligent and funny Asian representation on tv. But then as the series progressed, I realized I was in the hands of two masterful artists - Aziz Ansari and Alan Young. What I had thought was just a smarty-pants, hipster comedy turned into one of the best surprises of recent memory. It had shades of the Before trilogy, and that Thanksgiving episode is amongst the best episode of television I have ever watched.
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel - The third coming of Gilmore Girls (the second being Bunheads) is set in the 1950's and stars the truly marvelous Rachel Brosnahan as a housewife whose huband leaves her. Her life falls into disarray and she ends up pursuing a career of stand-up comedy. The setting, the costumes, the supporting cast, the dialogue are all dreamy perfection. Not sure when I will get to revisit the Gilmores and Stars Hollow again, but for now, Midge Maisel in 1958 New York is a more than satisfying substitute.
- Spider-Man Homecoming, Black Panther, and Infinity War - Homecoming was the most enjoyable superhero movie I had watched in a long, long time, probably because it's the most grounded and it's just about a teenage boy trying to find his place rather than about some mystical super-villain trying to destroy the entire universe. Tom Holland is joyous perfection. And Marisa Tomei is way under-used. But then Black Panther came along and blew the world up with its cultural significance and positive message about one's place and responsibility in the world (not to mention it showed off African heritage and pride in such a shiny new way). Black Panther is the movie and superhero this divided country sorely needed. Wakanda Forever indeed. And finally Infinity War is an epic, exciting culmination of the MCU first phase. It's impressive how they managed to juggle so many characters in a single movie and not have one of them get lost in the shuffle. It goes to show how wonderful a job MCU has done over the years to establish their superhero characters. By the way, my favorite has always been Chris Evans' Captain America. I get somewhat verklempt knowing that the next movie will be his last.
- Sufjan Stevens - He is ubiquitous on my playlists - from his contribution to the soundtrack of Call Me By Your Name, to the outtake and remix compilation The Greatest Gift, to the solar system-themed Planetarium, to the live recording of his Carrie & Lowell tour, to his last single Tonya Harding (a rejected track for the movie I Tonya). The masses can have their Taylor Swifts and Beyonces; I've got my Sufjan, and it's all good.
- John Mayer - Chi Young's favorite. I agree that The Search For Everything is my favorite album from the last year. The guy knows his way around a melody, and the lyrics to In The Blood crush me everytime.
- Defenders and The Punisher - With the exception of Iron Fist (ugh), the Marvel superhero shows on Netflix are extremely binge-worthy. Daredevil, Luke Cage, Jessica Jones, and the Punisher are all compelling characters. The problem with all these streaming shows though are, you wait for damn long for them to come back, and then you finish them in a week or less. And I am talking to you, Kimmy Schmidt!
- Timeless - One of the last of the major three Network shows that I watch, and they went and canceled it after a most enjoyable season two. #NBCsucks
- New Tax Bill - Have a nice life and get richer, rich people! Screw you and your health care and your future and your environment, anybody-who-is-not-rich people!
- The Me Too Movement - First Harvey Weinstein, and then pretty much every man in Hollywood, politics, tv, news, sports, etc. Yup, shocking that men of power engaged in sexual misconduct.
- Hurricanes and wildfires and volcanoes - We are mere mortals living on borrowed land and borrowed times. It is clearly Mother Nature's call.
- New Madonna and Vampire Weekend and Robyn - My three favorites (aside from Sufjan and James Blake) are all supposed to be coming back with new albums in the second half of 2018!!! I am particularly nervous for Madonna, since I will root for her forever, and not that she has anything more to prove, but I want her to really put out another masterpiece to just shut people up about how old and past her prime she is. When you listen to her playlist, from Everybody to Hung Up, it's amazing how many brilliant hit songs she's produced. Most artist will be revered for life and can live off of even a tiny fraction of Madonna's hits. It's just a mind-boggling run that will forever be unparalleled. Yes, her last three albums have not been able to hit those heights - either commercially or artistically, but I remain hopeful because she is Madonna and you don't count her out, ever.
- Anthony Bourdain's recent suicide - Rest in peace. Thank you for showing me world destinations and parts unknown and telling me their stories.
- Immigration - I am an immigrant. I will always be an immigrant. I remember as a little kid what an immigrant's life is like. I remember how my mother was berated by not only the social workers at the government welfare offices but also by her own sister who sponsored us here. I know in my blood why people sacrifice everything to move their families to another country, legally or illegally. The border wall, separating children from their parents and housing them in cages, parading around families whose relatives were killed by undocumented aliens to justify this country's inhumane anti-immigration policies, the campaign manager going "wah wah" when questioned about a child with down syndrome, the first lady wearing a jacket that says "I really don't care, do you?" when visiting border facilities, the director of Homeland Security going to a Mexican restaurant the day after she held a press conference touting zero tolerance - this is not the American that my mother, as a single parent with two small children, had dreamed of many years ago. Maybe the America that my mother dreamed of never quite existed, but the America at this very present time, under this current administration, would never even inspire such dreams and hopes. Not that we care - we are not about dreams and hopes anymore. Wah wah.
Sincerely,
Your Absent Friend
Sunday, April 16, 2017
styles of the times
What is it about 1Ders and their solo projects? I have never bought any 1D albums, but I really like every solo song that's come out, starting with Zayn's Pillowtalk and It's You, and then Niall Horan's This Town, and now Harry Styles' Sign Of The Times, which is seriously nostalgic and majestic. These guys have won me over:
On other music fronts, I am also loving John Mayer's just-released thoughtful and introspective The Search For Everything.
And then there's Father John Misty's epic Pure Comedy.
On other music fronts, I am also loving John Mayer's just-released thoughtful and introspective The Search For Everything.
And then there's Father John Misty's epic Pure Comedy.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
the woman behind the cat
"How could you? I'm a woman!"
This is my latest toy - a Batman Returns Catwoman action figure. I had pre-ordered this way back in October last year, and it finally arrived this week. The good: Holy crap - it really looks like Michelle Pfeiffer. The bad: It doesn't really stand properly, and the legs don't articulate smoothly. And one of the claws already broke off, and I had to superglue it back. But man, look at that face!
By the way, speaking of Oscars and Michelle Pfeiffer - this performance is one for the ages and should have won Best Actress that year. Sometimes Oscars don't know crap.
another day in the sun
The Oscars are this weekend. This year I actually have deep rooting interest so here are my picks:
Best Film:
La La Land (my choice, and will win)
La La Land is a love letter to Los Angeles and dreams and musicals. It is my definitive choice for movie of the year because it gives me infinite joy (the freeway opening, the Lovely Night number, the planetarium scene, the Gosling whistling and singing and dancing with elderly lady at the pier, the Mia audition song about her aunt in Paris) and also makes me feel infinite sadness (the ending montage - that montage...).
Best Director:
Damien Chazelle (my choice, and will win)
Best Actress:
Emma Stone (my choice, and will win)
Best Actor:
Ryan Gosling for La La Land (my choice)
Denzel Washington for Fences (will win)
Best Supporting Actor:
Lucas Hedges for Manchester By The Sea (my choice - haven't watched but I just have gut instinct this is a performance I would like)
Mahersala Ali for Moonlight (will win)
Best Supporting Actress:
Octavia Spencer for Hidden Figures (my choice - haven't watched but she's just so likable)
Viola Davis for Fences (will win)
Go, La La Land!!!!!
Best Film:
La La Land (my choice, and will win)
La La Land is a love letter to Los Angeles and dreams and musicals. It is my definitive choice for movie of the year because it gives me infinite joy (the freeway opening, the Lovely Night number, the planetarium scene, the Gosling whistling and singing and dancing with elderly lady at the pier, the Mia audition song about her aunt in Paris) and also makes me feel infinite sadness (the ending montage - that montage...).
Best Director:
Damien Chazelle (my choice, and will win)
Best Actress:
Emma Stone (my choice, and will win)
Best Actor:
Ryan Gosling for La La Land (my choice)
Denzel Washington for Fences (will win)
Best Supporting Actor:
Lucas Hedges for Manchester By The Sea (my choice - haven't watched but I just have gut instinct this is a performance I would like)
Mahersala Ali for Moonlight (will win)
Best Supporting Actress:
Octavia Spencer for Hidden Figures (my choice - haven't watched but she's just so likable)
Viola Davis for Fences (will win)
Go, La La Land!!!!!
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