i hate u, 2012

Yup, you suck eggs, 2012.  You were horrible to me.  The year began with a car accident in which some guy rear-ended me at a light.  From that incident I struggled with neck and shoulder pains which thankfully, after over half a year, appear to have completely subsided.  And then it was the abdominal pain that won't leave me alone for the rest of the year.  I've been prodded and poked and pricked and still I am no better off.  You would think that one doctor out of all those I saw this year ought to be able to help me figure this out.  And then there is my job which continue to suck the life out of me - I honestly am not sure how to deal with the liars and egomaniacs in the office for another year.  Basically it's like climbing into Mount Doom daily.  I reckon even wizards and hobbits with the best intentions would get drained.

And that's just me personally.  I am not even going to start with how you and your cast of villains - Hurricane Sandy, Adam Lanza, William Spengler, and Matt Lauer - screwed with Ann Curry and the rest of the world.

So yeah 2012, I really hate you.

But that's alright.  I survived you (okay maybe one more day but I assume that's all you got for me).  And you are history.  Another tally in this good old life of mine.  And 2013 will be better.  In fact, it shall be epic.  Evil shall be desolated.  And we champions will fight on.

In 2013 - I will:
1.  Get over my pain and feel normal (well normal for me) again.
2.  Stop wasting money, which means less online shopping.
3.  Stay off the computer and the iPad as much as possible. I really think I am an addict.
4.  Be nicer to people, especially people I know and care about.  (Curiously it's easy for me to be nice to strangers, but less so to people who matter.)  And by nice, I don't just mean polite.
5.  Stop gossiping.
6.  Watch The Hobbit Desolation of Smaug, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Great Gatsby, Pacific Rim, and Man Of Steel.
7.  And BEFORE MIDNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
8.  Live simply.  Purge.  I really shouldn't have as big of a footprint as I do.
9.  Go on a trip - not for work of course.
10.  Relax about work.  As somebody once said to me, what you do is not rocket science.  The guy was being an ass, but I agree, it's not rocket science.
11.  Engage more in creative endeavors.
12.  Get rid of midriff flab.  Ugh it's just digusting.
13.  Sleep more.  Try to get back to sleeping through the night.  I have never been much of a sleeper, but this year I keep waking up in the middle of the night.  It's an awful feeling to then lie there for a couple of hours trying to fall back asleep.

So there.  See ya, 2012.  Don't let the door hit you on your way out.  

i've been trying to do it right

My top 100 songs of 2012:

1		Ho Hey	The Lumineers
2		Home	Phillip Phillips
3		Amy	Green Day
4		Under the Westway	Blur
5		Love Spent	Madonna
6		The A Team	Ed Sheeran
7		I Won’t Give Up	Jason Mraz
8		Falling Free	Madonna
9		Song Of The Lonely Mountain	Neil Finn
10		Home Again	Michael Kiwanuka
11		Beautiful Killer	Madonna
12		The Age of Worry	John Mayer
13		Don't Deny Your Heart	Hot Chip
14		Masterpiece	Madonna
15		Oh Love	Green Day
16		Myth	Beach House
17		(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (To Party!)	Coldplay
18		We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monáe)	fun.
19		Video Games	Lana Del Rey
20		All of Me	Tanlines
21		Small Bump	Ed Sheeran
22		Emmylou	First Aid Kit
23		From Here To The Moon And Back	Dolly Parton
24		Anything We Want	Fiona Apple
25		Bad Religion	Frank Ocean
26		It's Time	Imagine Dragons
27		Every Single Night	Fiona Apple
28		I Know What Love Isn't	Jens Lekman
29		Strawberry Swing	Frank Ocean
30		What If	Marit Larsen
31		Right By Your Side	James Morrison
32		What Makes You Beautiful	One Direction
33		Let Me Be Him	Hot Chip
34		Stay The Night [Explicit]	Green Day
35		Good Time (Feat. Carly Rae Jepsen)	Owl City
36		Call Me Maybe	Carly Rae Jepsen
37		Do My Thing (Feat. Janelle Monáe)	Estelle
38		Feel So Close	Calvin Harris
39		Safe & Sound (Feat. The Civil Wars)	Taylor Swift
40		Wish You Were Here	Ed Sheeran
41		Rest	Michael Kiwanuka
42		Anything Could Happen	Ellie Goulding
43		Born to Die	Lana Del Rey
44		Countdown	Sondre Lerche
45		Rise	Antony and the Johnsons
46		Now Is the Start	A Fine Frenzy
47		Somebody That I Used To Know	Gotye
48		Give Your Heart A Break	Demi Lovato
49		Want U Back	Cher Lloyd
50		Blue Ice	Shout Out Louds
51		Come Back Down (feat. Sara Bareilles)	Greg Laswell
52		Stay Gold	The Big Pink
53		I Will Wait	Mumford & Sons
54		Walk With Me	Memoryhouse
55		Lego House	Ed Sheeran
56		Love Is A Verb	John Mayer
57		Glad You Came	The Wanted
58		Anna Sun	Walk the Moon
59		Night and Day	Hot Chip
60		Pyramids	Frank Ocean
61		Lights	Ellie Goulding
62		Love Don't Leave Me Waiting	Glen Hansard
63		I Belong In Your Arms	Chairlift
64		Secret Fear	Daniel Bedingfield
65		Skyfall	Adele
66		International (Serious)	Estelle Feat. Chris Brown & Trey Songz
67		Brothers	Tanlines
68		Saint Nothing	Daniel Rossen
69		Beacon Hill (Damien Jurado)	Jon Russell (The Head and The Heart)
70		Off the Wall	Lee Ranaldo
71		Person I Should Have Been	James Morrison
72		Queen of California	John Mayer
73		Bad For Me	Brendan Benson
74		Free (Edit)	Graffiti6
75		Kill The DJ [Explicit]	Green Day
76		DoYaThing	Gorillaz feat. James Murphy and Andre 3000
77		So Long Marianne	Bill Callahan
78		I And Love And You	The Avett Brothers  with the Brooklyn Philharmonic
79		Ichiro's Theme	Ben Gibbard
80		Love The Way We Used To	Estelle
81		Sweet Life	Frank Ocean
82		Too Close	Alex Clare
83		Beta Love	Ra Ra Riot
84		Hollywood (feat. Penguin Prison)	RAC
85		Feel Again	OneRepublic
86		Let's Don't Call It a Night	Casey James
87		You Da One	Rihanna
88		Grade 8	Ed Sheeran
89		End Up Here	Cher Lloyd
90		When I Was Young	Nada Surf
91		The World As I See It	Jason Mraz
92		Somethin' 'bout A Truck	Kip Moore
93		Where I Sleep	Emeli Sandé
94		Paddling Out	Miike Snow
95		Little Talks	Of Monsters And Men
96		Watching You Watch Him	Eric Hutchinson
97		Constant Conversations	Passion Pit
98		Fade Into You (Nashville Cast Version)	Sam Palladio & Clare Bowen
99		Sometimes You Need	Rufus Wainwright
100		I Knew You Were Trouble.	Taylor Swift

an unexpected randomness

Happy Christmas.  Baby it's cold outside.  For reals.  And dreary and all around depressing.  But I guess that's old man winter for you.  It's been like this for about a week or so.  Yesterday was a nice break.  It felt good to have the sun and the blue sky.  You don't appreciate it during the summer months, but when you have nothing but overcast sky for days on end, you crave for the sunshine...I made my way down to Sony Metreon and saw The Hobbit on IMAX 3D with Chi Young last Saturday.  It felt so familiar to be back in Middle Earth, with hobbits, dwarves, wizards, elves and orcs.  And Gollum.  Man what a tragic character that Gollum is.  The Hobbit, at least the first half, is probably not as good as any of the LOTR trilogy movies, but the riddle scene with Gollum is just magic...Yesterday night I continued to watch Sherlock on Amazon.  The Irene Adler episode (season two, episode one) is so freaking brilliant.  It makes me appreciate dominatrices (is that the correct plural form?) even that much more.  And that twist of an ending is beyond satisfying.  Does British tv shows kick (or should I say spank?) American arse?  Bloody right it does!...And how about the Sherlock-Hobbit connection?  It's awesome that Dr. Watson is Bilbo and Sherlock is going to be Smaug.  Not to mention that Sherlock is also to be the villain in the next Star Trek movie (Into Darkness)...I am seriously loving my Uniqlo ultra light premium down jacket.  I got a small Navy and it fits me perfectly.  This thing is so soft that I think a girl should snuggle up to me just to feel how soft it is.  Seriously.  I think if a girl snuggled up to me wearing this jacket, she would like totally fall for me, cuz she would think I am all soft and cozy and uncomplicated. Of course I am anything but cozy and uncomplicated but my Uniqlo jacket lets me play pretend and lure in unsuspecting girls...I am still feeling the abdominal pain.  The scary part is that it's now spread to the lower right side.  I am not sure what to do.  The Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist hasn't helped.  I've been religiously drinking bitter tea for about two months now.  And there really hasn't been any effect as far as I can tell.  Then the GI guy thinks it might just be a muscle thing, which I totally am unconvinced of.  I thought I would give all this a rest and not think about this during my three week break from work and just relax, but that's not really working out cuz that's practically all I could think about.  Well that and the red spot on my face that might be skin cancer. It's been there for two months.  I don't know.  I am a freaking mess...Yesterday two firemen in Rochester, NY were gunned down and killed by some lowlife when they responded to a call to his house.  It was a set up.  He left a note to say he wants to do what he likes doing best, killing people.  One of the weapons he used is the same type of rifle used in the Sandy Hook massacre.  By the way the NRA's position on Sandy Hook is that we need armed guards at every school in America.  This shit is seriously messed up.  The world is seriously messed up.  Thank goodness for hobbits and dwarves and wizards.  They make the world better because otherwise all we have are the evening news telling us how messed up the world is....Oh speaking of which, N Korea supposedly now has a missile that can reach the US West Coast.  Oy-vey...I am off work for the next three weeks.  Hopefully aside from fretting over missiles and abdominal pains, I will be doing a lot of cleaning and reading (1Q84, here I come, again) and watching movies (The Impossible and Life of Pi are my musts).  Not so much eating and shopping, cuz I am giving my stomach and my wallet a break...I both love and hate the holidays.  I love the break from work and the lights and that people are festive and happy.  I hate it that I am not.  Like most people who hate the holidays, I don't think there is a worse time in the year to feel lonely.  But I am getting used to that feeling as I get older.  After a while, a numbness sets in.  Or acceptance.  Or maybe you just wise up to the fact that no calendar can tell you how you are supposed to feel.  Sucker, you are no less alone during December than you are for the rest of the year, I say to meself.  And that makes me feel better.  You know what else makes me feel better?  That life is unpredictable.  You might think your life is boring and meaningless right now, but you never know when some wizard will come to find you and sweep you off into an unexpected journey.  So just hold on, enjoy your tea and scone, and be prepared to say yes when opportunities or Gandalf and thirteen dwarves come knocking on your hobbit door.

post from the end of the world

So the world didn't end today.  Or maybe it ended one week earlier, in Sandy Hook, Connecticut.  On a day when someone went on a killing at an elementary school, ending the lives of twenty children and six adults, it would not be too much to say the world did end, apocalypse has arrived.  At least momentarily it did.

I know this stuff happens.  It happens all over the world, every day.  The lives of the white, well-off children of Sandy Hook are no more valuable or precious than the lives of the children who suffer everyday in the rest of the world.  But that doesn't make the losses last Friday any less significant either.  In fact, it only goes to remind us that we don't pay enough attention, we take too much for granted.  The suffering that goes on every second of every day should stir something in us.  Make us want to be better.  Better is where it's at.  Better is where it's got to go.  All the grieving, all the sorrow would be for naught if it doesn't make us better.  Champions they say.  Heroes.  Where there is an apocalypse, there's got to be champions and heroes.  That's what evil makes.

I think about this stuff a lot, about being a champion, first in your own live and then in the world at large.  I am the last person you may ever associate with any sort of heroism.  I don't do things.  But I really do think about this stuff a lot.  I think of the world as good vs. evil and then all the gooey center in between.  I know I am not evil - that much I know for certain.  But what I want to avoid is the gooey center too.  I want to stand firmly on this side of the line.

The children who died.  And the children who die everyday.  I think about people this way.  We are all just stars in this big boundless universe, tumbling through the vastness with a million other stars.  Sometimes people come into your lives and you stay on the same path for a while.  A few a lifetime.  And then sometimes people disappear as fast as they show up.  It doesn't make their impact any less.  These collisions, however short-lived, can change your course forever.  These children didn't stay forever, but whatever time it was, it meant something.

I don't know how people forget.  I don't forget feelings.  I may forget names and faces and what I had for lunch last week, but I cannot forget the feelings that are left by people with whom I've collided.  Sometimes I question how it is that people whom I only knew for a few years can change me so much, but then those stars were so bright in my eyes, their impact so hard, that there surely is no chance of recovery.  For better or worse they became part of my make-up.  They make me feel, they make me ache (too much for my liking), but if I do this right, they make me stronger.

That's what these children are.

Anyways, since the world didn't end and we are to continue doing this, then let's do this right.  This is another chance.

give me all your drawin'

why i love dolly

On a recent interview on Live With Kelly and Michael (I haven't watched that show since Regis left), this is how Dolly responded to a rapid fire Q&A:

Favorite color?
Clairol #249

Do you ever get tired of dumb blond jokes?
No.  We know we are not dumb, and we know we are not blonde.

What do you want on your tombstone?
Pepperoni, mushroom...

First thing you do in the morning?
I usually put on my clothes and go home.

Are they real?
Course not.  Do you think I can ever grow my nails that long?

Haha.  She's just awesome.  Truly awesome.  I think next time she comes around to concert, I am going to go!  She has a book out called Dream More.

more is always more

I genuinely love Black Friday, more than rainbows and unicorns and babies and roasting chestnuts on an open fire.  I mean, I pretty much shop like mad all year round, but on Black Friday, you are supposed to shop, so there is less guilt involved.  Here is the list of things I bought over the last few weeks under the guise of Black Friday shopping:

- Corelle Livingware Garden Sketch Band dinner set from Amazon for $18 (love Corelle dishes to serve my hot dogs and corn nuts in my Kentucky trailer home)
- Fiskar rotary cutter (for my inner Martha Stewart and also because I needed something $7 to add to the dinner set above to hit $25 so I can use my $5 off $25 coupon from Amazon.  This shopping thing - it's very complicated)
- Plantronic M50 bluetooth headset for $20
- Two Maroo iPad cases for $22 and $15 respectively (why two?  Cuz a wise man once said two is always better than one, and more is always more)
- Harry Potter 8-film blu ray collection from Amazon UK for $35 (I am an international shopper, and it seems appropriate to buy Harry Potter from the UK)
- Brave blu ray from Walmart for $9 (no, I didn't buy this from Walmart Scotland)
- A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas for $14 (with my long sought-after collectible Waffle-bot wind-up toy!)
- Canon MX892 wireless printer for $60 (Airprint finally!)
- Sony 32 gig SD card for $17 (I bought this for someone who for whatever crazy reason only uses Sony SD cards)
- Jackass 3.5 dvd from Best Buy for $2
- Social Network dvd from Best Buy for $2
- Shutter Island blu ray from Best Buy for $4
- Swiss Gear 19 inch upright luggage from Target for $65 (this one will be returned - I honestly cannot think of any good reason for me to need a small carry on luggage piece right now; I was just in a happy clicking mode when I bought this)
- Corelle Livingware Winter Frost dinner set from Target for $18 (I am returning this one as well, since I ended up liking the Garden Sketch Band pattern I got from Amazon so much)
- Titanic 3D blu ray from Amazon for $15 (for the 3D tv that I don't have)
- Boxwave USB-Lightning cable for $9 (half the price of Apple's original - good to have spare for my iPhone 5 at work)
- Sufjan Stevens Silver & Gold for $14 and Green Day's Dos albums for $5 on Amazon mp3
- Kill Bill Volume 2 for $6 (loooved volume one but not a big fan of volume 2 - needed to complete my collection)
- Sandra Lee pizza stone set from Sears for $10 (using my Sears cash card which has been sitting in my wallet for over a year)
- J. Crew Factory sweatshirt for $18
- J. Crew Factory wallet for $22
- Two Uniqlo Heat Tech undershirts, and two Uniqlo boxer briefs for $32 (again with the twos)

Not counting the two items from Target that I am returning, I think I spent around $380, about $150 of which I paid for with existing store credits like Amazon dollars I earned by using my credit card.  So out of pocket, it's about $230. 

To be honest, there is guilt involved even if it's Black Friday.  This year has been pretty spend-heavy, especially with all my medical bills.  I am still paying about $100 a pop every week seeing the herbalist/acupuncturist.  So I am not exactly rolling in dough.  I promise, this is it.  No more frivolous spending for the rest of the year.  I will just take a breather and enjoy all this stuff I got in the last few weeks.  After all, even someone like me knows that more stuff doesn't mean more happiness; it just means more stuff so you can be distracted from your unhappiness.

the impossible life of the hobbit

Movies I wanna watch:

1. The Hobbit:  An Unexpected Journey
2. The Impossible
3. Life Of Pi
4. Anna Karenina
5. On The Road
6. Django Unchained
7. Parental Guidance (Marisa Tomei alert!)
8. Skyfall
9. This Is 40

mdna illstratd

My latest.  MDNA illustrated:

trader joe's grocery list

Things I've bought from Trader Joe's recently:




1.  Love the gooey brownies.  You only have to add in 2/3 cup of nonfat yogurt.  It's so guilt free that I end up eating about 1/3 of a batch at a time - which I suppose defeats the purpose of it being guilt free.
2.  Glad it's the holidays and the Candy Cane tea leaves are back.  It's peppermint-y green tea - makes me feel all comforty inside (even though my Chinese herbal doc told me to not consume coffee or tea).
3.  Condensed milk in a tube bottle - how genius is that?
4.  Southern greens.  I am like a soul brother inside and love me some collard greens.  That's not racist, is it?
5.  Heat the cider up in microwave for about a minute, and you want to sing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
6.  I've been waiting for Trader Joe's to carry tomato paste in a tube for a long time.  My prayers were recently answered.  Well, not the real prayer, but this prayer, which is better than nothing.

Oh here is a good recipe (stolen off The Chew) to use two of the above ingredients:

Braised chicken with southern greens and sweet potato:
1.  Brown some seasoned (salt n pepa - push it, push it real good) chicken thighs in large pot (I use my fancy le Creuset dutch oven but poor people can use something else - haha just kidding - I am so poor that I got my le Creuset from the outlet store), about three minutes on each side.  Take chicken out of pot.
2.  Brown some onions and garlic.  Then throw into some peeled, cut up sweet potato.  Pour in enough chicken stock or apple cider to deglaze pot.
3.  Put in the bag of southern green or use kale or something like that.
4.  Pour in about 2 cups of chicken stock and 1 cup of cider.
5.  Add in a dash of cayenne pepper.   Let boil a little.
6.  Put back chicken.  Cover the whole thing and put it oven for 45 minutes at 375 degree.
7.  Serve over rice and slurp up all the soupy goodness.

this fall season

The top ten eleven shows that I am watching this fall season:

11. Elementary (I really like Johnny Lee Miller, and might be coming around to Lucy Liu - who knew?)
10. Modern Family (I find Sophia Viagra extremely annoying, but I watch this for Phil and Claire.)
9. Arrow (I like rich playboys who are superheroes at night)
8. New Girl (Bee Arthur - haha)
7. Nikita (yay to the return of Owen)
6. Hart Of Dixie
5. Nashville (it's like Country Strong made into a tv series)
4. Don't Trust The B In Apartment 23
3. Happy Ending
2. Revenge (not enough people are dying this season but still plenty of icy stares from Madeleine Stowe and Emily Van Camp)
1. Amazing Race  (Go, Team Chippendale!!!)

song of the lonely weekend

Weather:  Rain
Mood:  Tired
Music: P!nk's new cd (it's just okay)
Last Movie: You Again! on Amazon On Demand (B-)
Reading: 1Q84
Last Pleasure:  Obama beating Romney for President and receiving my Uniqlo online orders
Last Worry: Chipped Caesarstone countertop (argh - just kill me now...)
Last accomplishment:  Making delicious braised chicken with kale/sweet potato
Looking Forward To:  Life Of Pi
Not Really Looking Forward To: A winter season of pain and bitter herbal tea
Gas Price: $4.32/gallon premium
Clothes: Uniqlo black down vest, Old Navy black hoodie, Gap grey cords
Today's Headline:  Israel Bombards Gaza Strip, Shoots Down Rocket
Current iPad Wallpaper:  Illustration by Luke Twyman
Last Website Visited:  bfads.net (Black Friday come on - I am ready for you!)
Last Meal: Chicken Miso Yaki at Goeman Japanese restaurant on Irving 
Last Purchase: Fresh turkey from Costco & Sufjan Stevens' Silver & Gold Christmas cd
Item Off My Wishlist:  SF Giants New Era Fitted Cap
Latest Evidence It's A Beautiful World:  Neil Finn's song for The Hobbit - Song Of The Lonely Mountain
 

orange and black wednesday

The Giants win the World Series in a four-game sweep of the Tigers. And we get a crazy parade today, on Halloween.  Here is some photo evidence.

if i didn't know u better

This is Sam Palladio and Clare Bowen from the show Nashville. They are not the main star, but they should be.

pain, an illustration

Not having the best weekend pain wise, so let's draw a picture about it. 

I went to Chinese doc/herbalist/acupuncturist this past Tuesday. He kinda freaked me out, cuz he basically says my systems are all screwed up. He said something about my thyroid, my pancreas, my heartbeat, my blood vessels, my prostate and a whole bunch of other things I couldn't really understand (my Chinese is kinda limited). Oh, while I was lying there with needles poking out all over my body, he gave me a lecture about how I need to find a girlfriend cuz I am getting to that age where it's not possible and people are gonna think I am a homosexual. And he says the Buddha bead bracelet I was wearing was bad luck cuz it's dark in color.  Oh my lord.

After the first session and two rounds of drinking his bitter herbal tea, I don't feel any difference.

I am going to give him probably a few more tries cuz I am a masochist, and desperate for help, and I just don't want to give up too soon.

I am gonna beat this thing even if it kills me.

my boo

Happy Halloween!

inevitable

It's not a journey...every journey ends.  Where I begin I look around at the constellations, sparkling diamonds in the void.  I see my mothers and their mothers.  I see their sons and their sons.  Their stories are infinite, like the river that flows into the ocean, with their secrets rising and falling and tumbling towards the ending we know too well.  A story like any other story.  An ocean like any other ocean.  All the ebbs and flows like our body we've been there before.  We touch. I caress the beginning, the middle, and the end as they were mine.  I sail for a million years as if it were my home, as if it were my fate to know you.  Your mothers and the mothers before.  All the beauty that you show to me, I claim as if they were mine all along.  Wherever I go, there you are. Inevitable.

- Brad Pitt Chanel No. 5 commercial babbling extended mix by me

a sufjan christmas

So tender and heartwarming! Sufjan has Christmas boxset coming out soon.

sometimes it goes the other way too

Ok - another voice mail from the doc delivering bad news.  Even though my lower left ab pain is still undiagnosed (thank goodness though it's confirmed not to relate to any kidney problem), I now probably have an ulcer (new burning sensation/pain I feel around mid-abdominal area).  Oh boy.  I am gonna see a Chinese doctor tomorrow for a change - I am kinda tired of Western medicine at the moment.  Give me some herbal tea and poke a few needles in me please!

But I always know when things are going badly, sometimes it goes the other way too.

So let's count the way things are going the other way right now:
-  Giants in World Series!  (I am hardly a baseball fan, but I love bandwagons and the colour orange!)
-  The Pats pull out one against the lowly Jets in OT yesterday.  (If they had lost, it would have been disastrous.)
-  I settled the case involving the rear end accident from January.  My shoulder finally feel fine enough for me to just put this thing behind me.  Progressive (the other party's insurer) gave me $335 for the copayments I incurred and the time I took off to see the doctors.  If I were picky, $335 actually doesn't cover my salary for time I took from work.  But I said to myself I am not out to profit from anyone (I kinda believe in karma), so as soon as I felt my shoulder was better, I just let it go.
-  I got a care package from a friend in Japan (instant coffee and milk tea with a mug).  Sometimes people are lovely - not because they give me gifts but because they thought of me.  Who knew that sometimes people think of me???
 - I ended up picking up a Canon Powershot SX260 for $199!!!  That's like $80 cheaper than my original purchase price from Costco.
-  Uniqlo finally now has U.S. online store, following the opening of the physical SF store.  Muji is coming to SF soon too.  It's Japanese retail heaven for me.
- Two separate people at the lab (when I was getting my blood test) did a double-take when they saw my birth year.  They thought it was a mistake.  Yay to people thinking I am younger than I am!  They can take my blood anytime.
- My Madonna youtube video of Love Spent has almost 8,000 views.  And it's not even me clicking repeatedly.  Initially I was happy that it got 1,000 views.  Then I wanted 3,000, and 5,000.  Now I keep monitoring the view count hoping it will hit 10,000.  Ah, fame is a two-headed monster - isn't it?  By the way, Madonna is gonna be on Ellen next Monday - woohoo!
- Amazing Race still makes me happy.  Go, Team Chippendale!  Who knew male strippers were so good-spirited and amiable?  And down with the Twinsies (who knew twin sisters from Sri Lanka were so annoying?)!
- Bristol Palin voted off DWTS.  Ok, I haven't been really watching this season, but anytime Bristol Palin or anybody named Palin gets booted - I am happy.

crowded hobbiton

You know how sometimes randomly you wonder what has so-and-so been up to lately?

Like just five minutes ago, I was thinking, how about Neil Finn?  Neil Finn is an amazing songwriter, and Crowded House is one of my favorite bands.  So I checked his website for news, and this is what I read:

28-09-12-The end credit song for the upcoming Hobbit movie is one of Neil's as well, so a lot of people will hear that one!

I am like, WHAT???  Neil Finn and The Hobbit!!!!!  That's like alchemy or something - right?  Sometimes things are right in the world - that's all I got to say.

that infinite feeling

Whoa did I just finish reading a book?  Ok - it's not 1Q84 which I vow to do by the end of the year.  But I did just finish The Perks of Being a Wallflower because I wanted to read it before I watch the movie.  Not to pat myself on the back too much - the book is like middle school reading.  That's not to say it's not good, but it doesn't change my life.  That's the measuring stick - does a book or movie change your life after you read it or watch it?  Like Norwegian Wood or Before Sunset does.  This one - probably not. (B)

But I do like the line about feeling infinite.  And how Sam tells Charlie that it's not enough to just feel things inside but you have to let people know. 

"Charlie, don't you get it?  I can't feel that.  It's sweet and everything, but it's like you're not even there sometimes.  It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder.  What if they need the arms or something like that?  You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.  You just can't.  You have to do things."

I think that's one of my biggest problems.  I don't do things.  I just feel.

ugh there you are

Things that made me go ugh recently:
-  Khloe Kardashian named host of X-Factor
-  RobPat took cheating KStew back
-  My left abdominal pain & pain of opening coinsurance bills
-  Getting roped in at work for pumpkin carving contest
-  Listening to my boss use "basically..." in every sentence
-  Team Amy & Daniel (she of no legs) getting eliminated this early from Amazing Race
-  Christina Aguilera's boobs on The Voice
-  Dang people keeping parking in front of our driveway
-  Cher Lloyd's grunting in Want U Back (ruining a perfectly good pop song)
-  The Pats keep losing close games
-  Romney & Ryan ticket (Ryan really makes me go ugh) 
-  Brad Pitt in Chanel ad
 
Thank goodness for Conan:

anything could happen

Ten songs I am listening to right now:
10. Skyfall - Adele
9. If I Needed You - Mumford & Sons
8. I Know What Love Isn't - Jens Lekman
7. Kill The DJ - Green Day
6. Now Is The Start - A Fine Frenzy
5. Feel Again - OneRepublic
4. Small Bump - Ed Sheeran
3. It's Time - Imagine Dragons
2. Oh Love - Green Day
1. Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

the world were as it should be

Just finished watching the "Deep Down" episode of Angel, in which Angel is rescued from the depth of the ocean and returns to tell his son Connor this:

Nothing in the world is the way it ought to be. It's harsh and cruel, but that's why there's us: champions. Doesn't matter where we come from, what we've done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be to show it what it can be.

I love that.  We live as though the world were it should be.  That's right - that's what we need to do, no matter how bad life treats us, how many curve balls get thrown our way, how many misfortunes and heartbreaks befall us, we have to live as though this were a beautiful world, a beautiful life.  Everything is just.  We are all brave.  We fight through things.  We love as if nobody has ever tore our heart out before and discarded it as if it were worthless and meaningless.  Because that's what we need to make this all better.

the (stomach) pain of life that you know

Weather:  About perfect
Mood:  Worried (go figure)
Music: One Direction
Last Movie: Looper (B)
Reading: 1Q84 and Perks Of Being A Wallflower (because when you take a whole year to read one book, you should remedy that by reading two books at once...)
Last Pleasure:  MDNA, MDNA, MDNA
Last Worry: Now I have general stomach pain/weird sensation on top of my lower left abdominal pain
Last accomplishment:  7,000 views on my Love Spent youtube video - so this is what it feels like to be a youtube star - I will try not to let that get to my head.
Looking Forward To:  Going to new Uniqlo store in SF
Not Really Looking Forward To: Another doc/hospital bill (I am pretty sure my copayments and coinsurance have reached upwards of $2000)
Gas Price: $4.90/gallon premium
Clothes: Gap fleece shawl collar cardigan
Today's Headline: Shuttle Inches Toward Retirement Home At L.A. Museum
Current iPad Wallpaper: Photo of Madonna I took at concert
Last Website Visited:  Boston Herald
Last Meal: Marie Callenders frozen chicken pot pie
Last Purchase: Amco Lemon Squeezer
Item Off My Wishlist:  In The Mood For Love blu ray from Criterion
Latest Evidence It's A Beautiful World:  

everybody come on dance and sing

Here are all my videos from last Saturday night. I cannot believe it, but I actually have over 5000 views on Love Spent and over 2500 views on Everybody!!!

everybody get up and do your thing

Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of the release of Madonna's first single Everybody.  Thirty freaking years!  And by happy coincidence, yesterday was also at long last the San Jose stop of the MDNA tour.  Therefore, I was there when Madonna sang Everybody for the first (and maybe only) time on this tour.  Amazing!

The concert itself was a pure feast for the senses.  There was just too much to take in.  I wasn't sure which way to look most of the times.  I love those moving blocks that rise up from the main stage floor.  I loved Open Your Heart, Like A Virgin/Love Spent, and Express Yourself/Give Me All Your Luvin' and so on and so on.  The last eight months of waiting since I got the tickets have been like a thousand years.  Sitting there from 7:45 til the 10:30pm starting time was equally torturous. But the two hours that she was on stage went by in a magical flash.  I seriously don't know how the old gal does it.  She reaffirms my faith as a fan over and over. She's earned every success that's come her way in the last thirty years.  Congratulations, Madonna.  Thank goodness your dreams came true, so ours did too.

Here are some photos I took:

perks of being a wallflower

I am a sucker for a good coming of age, high school movie.  And this one has Emma Watson!!! 

booty-licious

So what does one do when one is in constant pain and worrying, waiting for his next medical exam?  One shops, naturally.

My latest booty:

-  Blur 21 Boxset.  This thing is massive.  It has all seven of their studio albums, with a bonus disc attached to each.  Then there are four discs of rarities and unreleased tracks, and three dvds, and a hardbound book chronicling the history of Blur.  I wish every band/musician I like would do this (Madonna, talking to you), but then again, I would be broke really fast.

- 50/50, Hugo, Adventures of TinTin, and Inglourious Basterd used blu rays.  I got all of these used for around $8 each.  I haven't had chance to play them all, but they look to be in excellent condition.  I did rewatch 50/50.  Man I love that movie.  And I can relate to JGL being sick and going to hospitals and all, but of course, I don't have spinal cancer.  And I don't have a therapist like Anna Kendrick (who is so good in this).  My mother is kinda like Anjelica Huston, so I haven't told her about my issue yet.

- J. Crew classic plaque dress belt.  Had a 25% coupon with free shipping, so pulled the trigger on this belt I've been eyeing.  I needed a dress belt for those occasions when I have to get all dressed up in fancy clothes (which is actually like never, but when never comes I am totally ready).

- iPhone 5.  Preordered last Friday morning at around 5 Pacific time, which was already five hours too late cuz the wait time was already two weeks by then.  I am most looking forward to the better camera and voice navigation finally and of course, Siri (I have the 4 right now which does not have Siri capability).  First thing I am going to tell Siri to do is to either make my medical problem go away or tell me the winning lottery number.  I know winning lottery is not going to make my health better, but at least I don't have to cringe everytime a copayment statement comes (so far I've spent close to $1000 just for copayments alone).

- Buddhist sandalwood bead bracelet.  I don't know when I lost mine, but I felt I need another, so I got one off ebay for just $4.  It arrive quickly and actually is exactly what I was looking for.  I am happy with it and will wear it all the time from now on.

- Roku.  Got this to stream Amazon prime videos to my bedroom tv.  Works awesome, except then I end up watching like really crappy free movies from Amazon like Abduction (with Jacob), Bel Ami (with Edward), and Transformers Dark Side Of The Moon (oh my gawd this is crap of the highest order...). Can this thing stream porn by the way?

-  Fiona Apple Idler Wheel Tour Poster.  My friend Al went to three Fiona Apple shows recently and was able to score a couple of autographed Fiona Apple posters, and he was awesome enough to sell me one.  I love Fiona Apple - she is an artist through and through.  I will need to spend good money getting this framed, cuz The Idler Wheel Will Be Ruined When Not Protected Behind UV Protected Glass And Will Not Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do.


 

impossible

Naomi Watts + Ewan McGregor + SE Asia tsunami survival story + Damien Rice cover of U2 song = win!

weekend update

Just a brief interruption from regular programming to update my health status.  It's not good news so far.  After the procedure last Monday, the doc is concerned that my condition could lead to chronic kidney problem.  So I have to do another test in a month to see how my kidney is functioning.  And then I guess we will decide on what to do.  Eeks.  Give me something else to worry about, why don't you?

But honestly, I am not sure what more I can do other than to deal with this matter-of-factly.  Put on a (pretend) brave face and just tackle whatever comes my way.  It's hard not to let these things play with your head and knock you out.  But I am too young to be knocked out yet.  It's a long life (maybe), so I really got to do something about it other than to mope and groan and feel sorry for myself for the next few decades.  Life is hard in different ways for different people - you just got to deal.  Tough shit.  That's all.

milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Daydream delusion
Limousine eyelash
Oh, baby with your pretty face
Drop a tear in my wineglass
Look at those big eyes
See what you mean to me
Sweet cakes and milkshakes
I am a delusion angel
I am a fantasy parade
I want you to know what I think
Don’t want you to guess anymore
You have no idea where I came from
We have no idea where we’re going
Launched in life
Like branches in the river
Flowing downstream
Caught in the current
I’ll carry you. You’ll carry me
That’s how it could be
Don’t you know me?
Don’t you know me by now?

- from Before Sunrise

before midnight

OMG!!!!

Before Midnight it's called.  I can't even... 

I think I might be heading to Greece one of these days.

you can't ask why about love

I loved Joel Wright's Pride & Prejudice and loved Atonement even more.  Coming soon is the beautiful looking Anna Karenina.  This is one of my most anticipated movies this year.



Here is the trailer:


By the way, Keira Knightley should have been Catwoman - right? She has that feline-like quality and the right hint of sadness/vulnerability and bratty defiance/wild, untamable abandon.  Just saying.

colour me good

By now, surely you know about the Ryan Gosling Colouring Book. Well, since I haven't been out of the house much due to my ill health (that sounds so melodramatic - like a Russian writer or something), I took to reading (finally finished Book One of 1Q84, two more to go), watching tv (six straight episodes of the first season of Bunheads on ABC Family), and coloring:

two songs

Tom Waits' Picture In A Frame, as heard on Bunheads, which I just finished six episodes of, thanks to the ABC Family app on my iPad:


Nina Simone's Be My Husband, discovered from Ed Sheeran's cover, which I just heard from his iTunes Festival performance:

mdna usa

This is from Liz Smith on the first US show of the MDNA tour two days ago.  MDNA has finally made its way to America!

"ABLE TO face fear or danger without flinching...resolute...invulnerable...valiant... venturesome." That is a portion of the dictionary definition of the word "fearless."

I DON'T know Madonna well enough (believe it or not) to assess that she is actually without fear as a woman, or a human being. In fact she has admitted to being just as, if not more, insecure, than the average person. Fame and constant scrutiny does that to a person. She is far softer and more vulnerable than her public persona suggests. I know that, for sure. But whatever she is with her children, her man, her issues, she remains without a doubt one the most fearless and true-to-herself artists in the world. Madonna kicked off the American leg of her "MDNA" tour in Philadelphia on Monday night. She was full of patriotism, praised America's freedom of speech, demanded the release of the imprisoned Russian performance artists Pussy Riot and denounced homophobia, as she has been doing for the last quarter century. (Long before Lady Gaga was telling her "little monsters" that they were "Born That Way," Madonna was exhorting her fans to "express themselves" and was in the forefront of the AIDS crisis.)

"MDNA" is what has become the standard mix for a Madonna show--mind-blowing brilliance, dazzling sets, incredible dancing. And then there's the stuff she does because she wants to! She is intent on taking her audience on a journey. Sometimes they are not ready for this journey. They want to groove on the old 1980s/90s jams, presented just as Madonna did in her famous videos. (Tough luck.) Madonna would wither and die if she had to repeat herself over and over. She is not messing with her fans, she's making sure they've grown up. Yeah, and that is despite the campy majorette outfit she wears at one point. She's not pretending time hasn't passed. She's a woman still young, still full of fun. (And wait until you see her marching band, in mid-air, elevated above the crowd!)

In "MDNA" Madonna gives her fans classics such as "Open Your Heart," "Vogue" "Express Yourself" "Human Nature" and "Like a Virgin." But, as in the case of "Like a Virgin," she has totally transformed the chirpy ode to being "shiny and new," into something almost unbearably dark. Is it pain? Is it pleasure? Is she suffering? Is she in ecstasy? Don't ask me, and don't ask Madonna. She hates to explain herself. She is far happier when the audience either makes up its own mind, or never does. Madonna considers herself a work in progress and she gives her audience the same respect. If you don't get it, don't worry. It's life. Who can explain life?

This new concert relies heavily on her latest album relies heavily on material from her latest album, "MDNA." And though the CD hasn't sold as spectacularly as her past hits, the hot (as in almost passing out from the heat), hysterical audience went mad for newer songs like her opening "Girl Gone Wild," "Revolver" and "Gang Bang." This is the much criticized "violent" section of the show, but many people thought it was less scary and more a pastiche on the cult of violence, not to mention getting some tumultuous feelings off her chest about her ex, Guy Ritchie. She performs a set piece in a tawdry hotel room, swigging whiskey and being attacked by ninja-type assassins dressed in black.It's witty. It's nasty. It's Madonna. The stage is full of movement, the sets gasp-inducing, the onscreen videos and visuals mesmerizing. (Including a gorgeous new black-and-white version of "Erotica" and the controversial "Nobody Knows," with its images of violence, political revolution around the world, and a tear-inducing tribute to gay teenagers who have killed themselves.) Madonna's voice, when she sings totally live, is effective and moving, especially on "Masterpiece."

She ain't ever gonna sing "Aida, but but she has some chops. Her moves remain a miracle of athleticism, for any age. She looks better than she has on any recent tour, keeping her weight up and appearing utterly joyful. Her enthusiasm was infectious. At one point she declared, "Sometimes it's easier to show your ass than your feelings." Naturally, at that moment, she was showing both! Madonna capped off the night by whipping her audience into a frenzy with "I'm a Sinner," "Like a Prayer" (which was so solid, beautiful sung and reverently raw that it was literally a religious experience) and the bouncy "Celebration," in which her handsome young son, Rocco, gave mom some competition in the dancing department.

If you want Madonna singing the oldies, in the same key, the same outfits, the same mindset, "MDNA" might disappoint. If you want to see a woman still fighting the good fight, trying to entertain, educate and rile up her audience, you're in for a roller-coaster ride, with Madonna herself at the controls. There is only one queen, and that's Madonna, still.

Madonna means many things to many people, some good and some not-so-good.  But for me, particularly as she gets older and faces more ageism and sexism and more detractors, Madonna means you fight.  You fight everything. You fight for your dreams, for your relevance, for your spot in the sun, for freedom, for equality, for artistic visions, for changing social conventions, for doing whatever the hell you feel like.  I like that fighting spirit.  Always have.

age of worry

Close your eyes and clone yourself
Build your heart an army
To defend your innocence
While you do everything wrong
Don't be scared to walk alone
Don't be scared to like it
There's no time that you must be home
So sleep where your darkness falls
Alive in the age of worry
Smile in the age of worry
Go wild in the age of worry
And sing Worry, why should I care?
No your fight is not within
Yours is with your timing
Dream your dreams but don't pretend
Make friends with what you are
Give your heart then change your mind
You're allowed to do it
Cause God knows it's been done to you
And somehow you got through it
Alive in the age of worry
Rage in the age of worry
Sing out in the age of worry
And sing Worry, why should I care?
Rage in the age of worry
Act your age in the age of worry
And sing Worry, get out of here!

I love this new song by John Mayer.  Worry - why should I care?

Obviously I am a worrywart by nature.  Lately the things to worry about have been piling up.  Today my Honda was vibrating violently and spewing out white smoke and the radiator and reservoir were completely empty of coolant.  Hmm - I know what that means - yup, blown head gasket!  I've been down this road before.  I swear I am not spending another penny on this car anymore.  This is it.  I ain't gonna worry about it - if the auto shop will fix it under warranty, fine.  If not, I'm just gonna find a way to get rid of it, hopefully in exchange for a few bucks.

Healthwise - it's been a hell of a week.  After the procedure on Monday, I ended up getting a pretty bad stomach ache.  I still have it.  It's a little better today.  I also have a stent inside of me.  The doc will take it out in a week; they said they needed it in there for me to heal from the procedure.  Meanwhile, sample has been sent to pathology lab for testing.  Yup.

Worry - why should I care?    

go, go, go, ichiro!

Here is Ben Gibbard's anime-inspired tribute to former Mariner Ichiro. Ichiro is awesome.

please please please let me get what i want

Things I really really want, Fall 2012 edition:


Blur limited edition boxset, has all their cds plus bonus unreleased materials.



Bellocq tea canisters.  Screw the tea - I really want the tins.



Something from Craftsman and Wolves, a Mission district bakery - maybe The Rebel Within.



Ray Ban RB4125 - aviators in plastic. 



The Universal 100th Anniversary edition of the Atonement blu ray is coming out next Tues.  It's one of my favorite movies of all time, but for whatever reason I actually don't own it.  So this one is on pre-order from Amazon.  I cannot wait to get it so I can watch Keira and her green dress in 1080p over and over again.