me or the free chicken?

Michael Jackson apparently did an interview nine years old, in which he made statements like he thought Madonna was in love with him and he could cure Hitler if he had an hour to sit with him and he healed children by touching them.

You know, it's a most difficult task to walk that fine line - to be realistic with oneself but not let reality deplete one of hope and keep you from dreaming. In the end, it's not always a bad thing to have a little self-delusion. A lot of people depend on that to get through life. Like there is this fat cow of a woman at work, who is both ugly inside and out, who once sued an online dating company for her lack of matches. Or this old guy with greased-down hair who thinks he is charming when he sweet-talks girls while they all just laugh behind his back. Same said guy always tells long-winded proud story of how he is the first CPA in Guam and how he used to work for the governor there, again to the mockery of his coworkers. Or this woman who thinks her husband looks like young Jack Kerouac, when he probably more closely resembles Jack In The Box. Or generally a lot of people who think they are stuck in poverty because the Man is keeping them down.

I suppose I could use a dose of this self-delusion and stop seeing the world for all its concrete harshness and seeing myself for all my cracks and faults. Well, along those lines, I thought I too would take a shot at making some delusional statements about me-self. Here goes:

- I am single because I am picky.
- I am an artist.
- It's just a bad picture.
- We are all God's children.
- I am so tired of meaningless one-night stands. I am not a sex toy, people!
- They call you "sir" because they are polite, not because you look old.
- Pffft...I can do that.
- Somewhere out there, you-know-who's thinking about me too.
- I am a badass deep down.
- I will win a Pulitzer one day, for that novel that will be hailed as the second coming of Salinger.
- The novel will write itself.
- And then I win attract supermodels, brainy ones at that, like moths to a flame.
- I can control my cholesterol without the aid of medication.
- That's sun damage, not age spot.
- I am not racist.
- I am one lottery ticket away from a new life.
- Money will not change me.
- If you give me an hour with Kim Jong Il, I can convince him that he should pursue his dream to become a hair stylist and give up on this world domination silliness.

So please support my delusions from this point forth and not burst my bubbles. Like when I tell you that this Chinese girl is checking me out on the bus, don't tell me that there is a "Free Chicken" sign behind me.