abracadabra

Heard from someone I knew many years ago. Not a close friend by any means. An acquaintance. But a nice acquaintance. She tells me that she is getting married to the father of her two kids. She has opened her own daycare center and says she can truly say she loves what she does.

Wow. I am genuinely happy for her. But...

And there is always a But with me. I cannot just be genuinely happy for someone else. I always then go on and start feeling sorry for myself and wondering, "What the hell are you doing with your life?" So stagnant. No forward movement. Same job. Same address. Same twisty, immature, neurotic inside. No wiser for the years. No dreams fulfilled. Just dreams abandoned or forgotten. Like how you see those chicken delivery trucks on the highway, and feathers fly off as they swoosh by. Well, those are my dreams; little by little I lose them on my travel. It's not like I can contain them. I just hope when all is said and done, I still got enough on me to look somewhat dignified.

I wish I weren't like this. That I am less self-centered. That when I hear good news, I can just celebrate the good news and leave it at that, and not reflect it onto myself. I always say you cannot compare to other people. Well, actually everyone says that. But I tell myself that all the time. But of course, when you are deep down an unhappy person, you can't help it. Everything, especially everything good that happens to other people, makes you feel like a loser even more. You don't want to drag other people down with you, but you just don't want to be reminded of your inadequacies. How come so many people out there can make it work, find someone to love, raise a family, wake up and make a go at another day, figure out how to sprightly put one foot in front of another, go out and participate in society? Like, if you go to the park during the weekend, you cannot imagine how many people are out there playing volleyball, or lounging around in the sun, or biking. And they do this every weekend??? It's like they drank some magic potion or something.

Again, I don't mean to take anything away from my old acquaintance. It really is great. I wish her all the best and my warmest congratulations on the wedding.

I just want some of that magic potion for myself.

bend it like wapakoneta

Just saw Adventureland. It was nice. I like the nostalgic Eighties vibe. Kristen Stewart is actually quite beautiful but she is pretty much playing Bella here. But I am okay with that cuz I happen to like that teenage angst stuff. It's pretty much how I still feel deep down, way deep down, if you cut away all the old people layer on the surface...I am such an idiot. I was all concerned that my new iPhone is defective cuz I could barely hear Regina when she called me on Thursday. Then the next day, as I was playing around with it more, I realized I never peeled off the adhesive plastic that was covering the screen,including the receiver. So yeah, that's why I could barely hear. Duh...But my iPhone 4 may still be defective cuz the battery life is actually weaker than my iPhone 3G. I'll monitor further and see what I need to do...I was all hyped for the video capability. But now that I have it - I've got nothing to record. Would something exciting happen already? I was walking around during lunch in the Tenderloin yesterday, hoping for some crazy ass fight to break out. At last, just when I needed them, the crazies all disappeared...I have come to conclude that my $65 haircut does not make me any more handsome than my $15 haircut. Damn it, I think it might be me and not the hair that's the problem...Oh yeah, fancy new car and iPhone don't make me feel any happier either. Dang it - Oprah was right after all. I really should look into this fulfilling the soul stuff people keep talking about...I am psyched for Inception. Rolling Stone has a review this issue, but I am not going to read it, cuz this type of movie - the less you know the better. Actually that is the case with most movies. I think we know way too much in advance, from the media to the internet to the trailers to people talking in general. Like, I totally knew everything that was going down with Iron Man 2 (down to the Thor hammer scene) before I sat my butt down in the theatre. On the other hand, the mystery wouldn't have helped too much with that one...Speaking of Iron Man 2, I heard Mickey Rourke is playing Genghis Khan. Oh and Lucy Liu is playing Queen Elizabeth, and Michelle Yeoh is playing Joan of Arc. (Just kidding on the Lucy Liu and Michelle Yeoh stuff - they don't even let Asians play Asians, so they certainly won't let them play anything else.) Yeah, I think we are taking that We Are The World colorblind crap a little too far there...I don't know why, but I am actually beginning to feel bad for Tom Cruise. Maybe it's time for the backlash to end and for the comeback to start. Ah, the lifecycle of celebrity...I don't have HBO anymore. My 12-month free promotion is over, and I wasn't about to pay $10 a month. Maybe I should just do Netflix for a few months til the fall season starts...My favorite summer shows are SYTYCD, Kathy Griffin's My Life On The D-List, and Top Chef (although this season's contestants are so far very non-appealing), and I am actually kinda digging Work Of Art (Project Runway for the art world). I like that Miles guy - extra points for taking the time to sit down to read Frankenstein before he has to create a book cover for it...SYTYCD favorites this year are Kent from Wapakoneta, and Robert aka Roberto aka goofy handsome guy. Unfortunately the girls are kinda underwhelming this year. But there is of course plenty of woman in my beloved Cat Deeley - sigh, she really is a tall drink of water...How much do I love Marisa Tomei? You would know a lot if you read this blog at all. And yes, that's in spite of her roaming around Italy with Dan Cortese and Rocco DiSpirito hawking Bertolli's frozen prepackaged Italian food. She looks absolutely luminous in Cyrus, another summer movie I cannot wait to check out...The U.S. is out of the World Cup, ousted by Ghana. Does that mean America is not going to care anymore? You know, most Americans don't really know a world exists outside of the United States. Like, where the hell is Ghana? And if Africa is so poor and everyone is starving or fighting over there, why do they have soccer teams there that could beat the good ol' U.S.A.?

photo saturday

I think this might be my favorite picture from the NYC trip - it's at the American Museum of Natural History:

empire state of mine

My flickr pro account expired, and I haven't made up my mind to renew for another year. So here are my NYC pictures in a slideshow, set to Simon & Garfunkel.

new york state of mine

Top Ten Awesome Experiences in NYC:

10. City Bakery - I have no idea what kind of muffin it was that I ordered with my latte, but it was a muffin that didn't taste like a muffin and the best non-muffin ever. I tried to research it to no avail. But I did find out that the thing to be had at the City Bakery is something called a pretzel croissant. It looks absolutely yummy. Man, why can't we have a City Bakery in SF? (Like, why can't we have a Uniqlo, or a Muji...?)

9. Yakitori Taoshi - This yakitori joint near NYU is packed with college kids who are too cool for school, but who the hell cares cuz I get to eat chicken balls on a stick? I don't mean chicken balls as in testicles but ground chicken shaped like a ball. But seriously, anything on a stick is better than without.

8. Kyotofu - Fancy tofu pudding with kuromitsu syrup (uh, like I know what kuromitsu syrup is). I really can eat this stuff all day long. Okay, so I ordered the Prix Fixe dinner too, which included chicken/tofu sliders, Japanese curry risotto croquette, etc. I cleaned off everything except for some lettuce leaves. The waitress said, "So not a fan of vegetables, huh?" I joked, "Saving room for dessert." Which is actually quite an apt statement - all my life, I save room for dessert, literally and metaphorically.

7. Chikalicious - The dessert bar was closed the day I went due to some kitchen issues, so I had to settle for the Chikalicious Dessert Club across the street. Well, my disappointment quickly disappeared when I tasted the custard cookie eclair alongside the green tea/red bean shaved ice. And it didn't hurt that three very cute Japanese girls sat next to me. My next trip to NYC will definitely include a return visit to the dessert bar.

6. Guggenheim - It was Museum Mile day in NYC - which meant free admission from 6-9pm. I went to the Guggenheim and stood in the line that went around the entire block. Frank Lloyd Wright's Guggenheim is a marvel to look at, and much more enjoyable for me to wander around than the crazy huge Metropolitan. And Clive Owens had a shoot-out here.

5. New York sunset from atop Empire State Building - At first I was annoyed that I had to hang out for over two hours in the windy observation deck. But by 8:30pm, when I stood there watching the majestic sunset over this grand city, all was worth the while. Isn't it amazing that sunsets never get old?

4. Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island - It was sort of a perfect weather kind of day for a cruise out to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Blue sky, cumulus clouds shaped like alligators and horses, mild ocean breeze. Immigrants would like it here.

3. Katz's pastrami sandwich - I agree with Meg Ryan. Seriously the most tasty pastrami sandwich I have ever eaten. And surprisingly not salty, which is the downfall of most pastrami sandwiches. By the way, hands down a winner over the pastrami sandwich from Carnegie's Deli, which I had for comparison's sake.

2. Biryani Cart (Indian & Mediterranean food cart) - So good I went back two nights in a row. It's a truck located on 6th Avenue and 46th St. The first night was after watching Promises Promises. It was raining hard, and the restaurant I had in mind was closed. So I was headed to Sardi's cuz my friend said it's a Broadway institution. But I was soaking wet, and when I walked by this truck, I said, "Screw it. I just want some food." I had the kati rolls (chicken king koti and vegetable), and holy crap, I seriously thought I won the foodie lottery. I mean, who knew? Randomly on a rainy night? The next night, after watching American Idiot, I hit the truck again, for the king koti roll again and then changed it up for the chicken masala kati roll. Yeah, I think I will be dreaming about that dark and rainy night for a while to come...

1. Billy Elliot - Awe-inspiring. Magical. Heartbreaking. Exhilarating. Joyous. In between wiping off my very manly tears, I was grinning from ear to ear throughout the whole show. I think they even bested the movie that this is based on. After the lights came on, I really wanted to learn to dance, or pursue greatness, or live in a coal-mining town in the eighties.

This is pure magic:


Billy Elliot is actually coming to SF as part of the 2010-11 Best of Broadway series!!! How freaking exciting is that???

leaving on a jet blue

In a few hours, I am heading to NYC. I am still not completely packed. And I am actually rather nervous about getting on a plane. The last few times I flew, I've become a jittery flyer. Every little turbulence has me questioning my religion, or lack thereof. I had said I would go get myself some sleeping pill for this flight but at last I didn't. Maybe I should make a quick run to Walgreens after dinner. Anyways, wish me luck.

bad day, guatemala style

Yeah, I had a few random thoughts when I saw this sinkhole caused by tropical storm Agatha rolling thru Guatemala:

- Shit. That looks like it goes straight to the center of the earth.
- 2012.
- If that sinkhole swallowed my new car, my insurance will pay for me to get another one.