bring that chicken home

Nolan:  So, what are your favorite tv shows this past season, m'lady?
Emily/Amanda:  #10 would be The Chew cuz I like to cook in between learning Japanese and karate, and everyone on that show is so likable, especially Clinton Kelley and Carla Hall.  C and C Food Factory rocks.
Nolan:  Well, except Mario Batalli is not really Italian.  It's like Paula Deen being diabetic. What a fraud.
Emily/Amanda:  Well everyone has something to hide.  #9 - House Hunters International.
Nolan:  It's amazing how people around the world can live in anything less than twenty thousand square feet with an ocean view.  It's fascinating.
Emily/Amanda:  It's like watching a documentary on the real human condition.  Very grounding.  They should just run a 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen so we can donate some money to help.  Anyways, back to topic - #8 is Nikita.
Nolan:  Oh that show is ridiculous.  Maggie Q just puts on a pair of glasses and a wig and thinks she is in disguise.
Emily/Amanda:  I know, right.
Nolan:  I am so glad Percy and his main henchman - the guy with the scarred face - finally died.  Villains on tv shows take forever to kill.
Emily/Amanda:  #7 - New Girl.
Nolan:  Meep meep!
Emily/Amanda:  They should have kept Nick away at least for the summer.  His coming back right at the end of the season finale makes the whole episode pointless.  It's called a cliffhanger - writers of New Girl should look that up.  #6 - Modern Family.
Nolan:  Sofia Viagra gets all the attention, but Phil and Claire make the show.
Emily/Amanda:  Phil is the best father ever.
Nolan:  Well, he didn't die in prison after being framed for blowing up a plane and leave his daughter a whole bunch of journals so she can avenge her father's death.  So those Dunphy kids have a chance of growing up normal.
Emily/Amanda:  Hey watch it.  I am normal, except for the whole double identity thing.  #5 is Downton Abbey.
Nolan:  Or Downtown Abbey, as my uncouth associates would say. It's basically Dynasty as Masterpiece Theatre.  When you let your pregnant lady boss slip on the wet bathroom floor and lose her baby who would have been heir to the estate, it's classier doing it with an English accent. 
Emily/Amanda:  Besides, it's nice seeing people live in a normal sized house.  #4 - I love Happy Endings.  Although a happy ending is just a story that hasn't ended yet.
Nolan:  Or a John Travolta massage.  Ok, same difference.
Emily/Amanda:  Mandonna.  Nuff said.  #3 is Hart of Dixie.
Nolan:  Zoe Hart, the heart surgeon who fancies dressy shorts, should totally be with hot neighbor Wade, who fancies wife-beaters.  George, who fancies J.Crew, should be with Lemon, who fancies anything floral with a bow.  And Levon, who fancies straw trilby hats, should be with whoever that is not Lemon.
Emily/Amanda:  So, drum roll please, my second favorite show #2 is Revenge.
Nolan:  Good show of humility.  So why did you let the White Hair Guy go since he now knows your real identity?  And why did Daniel go all Grayson bad all of a sudden?  And can we not get Charlotte, Decklyn, and Ashley on an exploding plane instead?  And how could anyone think they would kill off Victoria, since that would be like Dynasty killing off Alexis Carrington?
Emily/Amanda:  All of these questions will be answered next fall.  Meanwhile, I am going to plot to get Michelle Pfeiffer to play my mother.
Nolan:  I can put a spy camera in her house if you'd like.
Emily/Amanda:  That's so sweet. But I have something on David E. Kelley I can use - it's called the failed pilot of Wonder Woman.
Nolan:  So what is number one, my dear sweet Emily/Amanda?
Emily/Amanda:  #1 is Amazing Race of course.  It's still the one that gets me all stoked with wanderlust.  I mean, sure I can just travel around the world at my will anytime, but to compete for one million dollars like a commoner just looks so exciting.  I really liked the poor hillbillies - Team Kentucky.  I am going to send them a check for ten million dollars instead.  In the end thank goodness Team Big Brother/Crybaby and Team Border Patrol Cops/Arrogant Jerks came up short, and Team Bickering Rachel/Dave brought that chicken home.
Nolan:  Yes, a good lesson in life as well - you gotta bring that chicken home.
Emily/Amanda:  Amen to that.  See you on the other side of summer.