fate the sequel

Three days later.  I guess for once I let myself believe that there is a master plan, but Fate turned out to be a no-show.  I am not surprised but still cannot help but be disappointed.  I am not sure why the cruel joke on me.  Why after all these years open up old wounds?  Doesn't Fate know she is dealing with a sensitive soul and a fragile heart?  Any further toying and poking might have irreversible consequence.  What a bitch she is.  She is now just preying on the weak.

The past three days have been really hard.  Not only am I once again remembering those years, but that phone call also got me thinking about my future.  I think about how GY's life and my life have diverged.  He went on and got married to a seemingly smart, successful woman and had two kids.  I went on to do nothing but collect more action figures and blu rays.  I am past that age where you can be youthfully optimistic about what's to come when you grow up, where the forks of life are still ahead of you.  I am afraid that I've already walked down that tine that leads to a dead end with no room to turn around.  I've squandered time and opportunities.  I spent so much time holed up with my neuroses that I actually ended up feeding them into powerful, hungry, and merciless monsters.  I desperately want to make things right, build myself a life worth living.  But in all honesty, I haven't a clue how.  Sometimes I try to convince myself there is a Hail Mary somewhere.  I live too moral of a life and I care too much to be one of those lost souls that the good life forgot.  Like in those games, I don't want to be one of those dots that fall down the screen into oblivion, one of those dots nobody bother to catch.    

Maybe there still is a master plan but it is slow in revealing itself.  Maybe I need to be more patient and let the magic of the universe work itself out.  I grow up in a generation craving instant gratification, but you know what they say about a watched pot never boiling.  I've been intently staring at that pot for the last two days.  Heck, I've been staring at that pot for decades now.  Screw you, pot.  Screw you, Fate.

Oh by the way - Go Pats!!!