Sunday, July 19, 2015

three lessons

Hello people - Don't call it a comeback.

It's more of "oh damn, has it been that long?"

Lotsa happened in the world since March.  Donald Trump called all Mexicans rapists.  Doctor Clifford Huxtable is a real rapist (except in Whoopi Goldberg's eyes).  Bruce Jenner became Jessica Lange, American Horror Story- and not Tootsie-version.  Celine and Jesse walked all over Greece and couldn't find an open bank.  According to the Supreme Court, the gays getting married is a-ok now.   A white guy went into a church and killed nine African Americans in South Carolina, and the lesson we all learned from this tragedy is that...the Confederate flag is not a-ok and we need to take Dukes of Hazzard off the air.  People really like dinosaurs and Chris Pratt.  Taylor Swift went all Norma Rae on Apple, and Apple proved to be deathly scared of Swifties and said "Hey girl, no bad blood here."  Amazon Prime Day, the second coming of Black Friday, came and left with this hilarious tweet:  "When I die I want whoever's responsible for #AmazonPrimeDay to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time."  We finally saw a picture of Pluto, and honestly, it looks just like any other non-planet out there to me.

There we are all caught up now.

We are now at the half way mark of the year.  I still have not figured out the leaks in my house.  Since it hasn't rained, I guess I feel less urgent about it.  It's putting off the inevitable.  But honestly, I don't even know how to address it.  Nobody I've brought in has any real idea on what to do.  So do nothing is what I did.  Sigh.  And don't even get me started on my new doors and paint job, except that I would say I have never hated water and bubbles more.

My current obsession is saving money for the future.  Recently I realized that I have not been contributing enough for my retirement, and that I won't be a billionaire by the time I turn 56 (my target retirement age at which point I would just not even bother showering or leaving the house).  Now I am trying really hard to be a miser to catch up.  It's either that or invest in the lottery and "limited edition" action figures and comic books.  But I learned that my Legolas dolls, even unopened and in mint condition, are just not appreciating like I thought they would.  Maybe it's Peter Jackson's fault, for not leaving good enough alone and making The Hobbit movies.  So plan B it is - save and invest.

That's my second lesson to all you young-uns out there (reminder of first one:  Confederate flag no good).  Invest in your future NOW.  The effect of compounding is pretty amazing.  You put your money in something that yields an average annual growth of between 7-8%, and in ten years that money will double.  And if you get into the habit of putting in money regularly on top of that, you too can have a boat and be surrounded by beautiful (in a cheap, empty way), scantily-clad women (or men) by the time you become old and irrelevant like Madonna.  See, the final lesson here is that if you are old and irelevant but rich, it actually doesn't suck.

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