like a virgin

A girl the other day asked me what I thought of her and what was our relationship. She also asked me whether virginity was important to me (WTF? More about that later.).

Anyways, it's very seldom I have to come to face this type of questions head-on. So I told her, "We are friends." Yikes.

If I were perfectly honest, I would have told her, "Yeah, I really wish you were someone else. The person I can never get out of my head. The person who's ruined me for good. The person whose shadow still follows me everywhere I go, every good time I have, every time I eat a nice meal or listen to a good song, every foreign city I roam. I so want to share every experience, but that person is no longer here for me. So I kill my time with people who don't do anything for me. Don't get me wrong. I think you are perfectly pleasant, probably has a good heart and will make someone a nice wife and nice mother, but you are not that one person. So what can I do? Pretend my heart is not somewhere far away every time I am sitting here talking to you? I am not that good of an actor. I am just some bloke who's got issues but who still has to eat and watch movies. That's all. That's all I can be. Sorry."

And then the virginity question. That one totally came from left field. I just side-stepped it. I think I like girls who are like a virgin (in other words, do not act like tramps) but otherwise, I wouldn't even care or ask. I mean, in a way, it's such an old-fashioned question that it's charming. It's a throw-back question, old school style, like carbon paper and scan-trons and phone booths. I like it. Reminds me of high school. Except without beanery cookies and spirit rallies and sharing lockers with a guy who takes up too much room.

So, I guess I won't be going to lunch or watching movies with this girl anymore. Oh well. It's alright - I am destined for a life of solitude. I can deal.