It's been a while since I've written a straightforward post, a post that is not a list, not a collection of random thoughts, not an embedded youtube video. A post about something, even if it's something insignificant. A post that requires a beginning, a middle, and an end, a point, an idea carried out for a paragraph or two or three. I think it's because my brain is so scattered that it is almost impossible to just sit down and compose something that requires composing.
So that's a lot of foreplay. I better deliver instead of just giving you another lazy-ass post. I suppose I can talk about the health care bill and how much I would like it to work (go ahead, you elitist pigs, call me a socialist), or Lady Gaga and how much I wish she would go away (she's not all that original, you sheeps), or American Idol and how much I want to bitch-slap Kara (figuratively of course, since I think you either have to be a woman or gay to bitch-slap, and of course, I can't really say punch out, since that would come across as if I endorse violence against women, which I don't). But then I don't think I can really carry on for real on any of those topics. Instead I think I want to talk about the topic of luck. Yup, luck. This evening, I was watching Community, and when someone wished another "Good luck," the person responded, "Don't need it. Never had it." I found that completely amusing, and infinitely thought-provoking.
I always sit here in front of my computer, lamenting about how little luck has come my way in this life. Sure, I am living in America, have a roof over my head, have a steady job, have working limbs (although how much longer those will last me remains questionable). But what I mean is, for someone who lives in America, who has a roof over his head and a steady job and working limbs, I am the unluckiest son of a bitch there ever was. I have never caught a break. I have never met anyone with some influence who looked at me and said, "That guy's got something - let me help him out." (Now, the fact that I may really not have anything is irrelevant to this discussion, since we are talking about luck, not talent or substance.) I have never had something fall upon me. Everything is acquired through effort, tedious, mundane effort. It's like digging all day just to get a little hole, and then having to be grateful that I got a little hole. And of course, I have never had the fortune of finding that special someone who would look at me and say, in her head at least and not out loud, "I choose him." I think even the ones who might have muttered unconvincingly "I choose him" were really more saying, "I guess he will have to do, for now." Yeah, so I always pondered, where were my freaking angels? The ones who will hide little delightful nuggets of surprises under my pillow and in my drawers for me to find at unexpected moments. You know, like when you need it the most, like when you are lying in bed thinking about the one who broke your heart, or when you boss makes you feel like a eunich, or when people you like keep getting eliminated from reality shows you watch. When I yell, "Stop," where are the band of angels who will actually make it stop?
But then when I heard that line from Community, it made me think, "Uh, who the hell needs luck anyways?" What if I stop waiting for it? Then I am back to what I probably had thought deep down all along, which is you are on your own. It's not as hopeless as it sounds. It's actually about not worrying about something you can't control. And remember, the line was, "Don't need it. Never had it." The "Don't need it" part is more important than the "Never had it" part. You just have to make your own way in this life. Not wait around for anybody or anything to save you. You make your own destiny. None of that "It is written" non-sense.
I am not completely writing luck or fate or destiny or even God off. Each of those things is not something you can ever prove. It's either there or it's not. I also have a feeling it's there whether you believe it or not (I am not one of those people who feels that God will abandon you if you don't believe in Him). The Oprah, in her infinite wisdom, always corrects people and says "There are no accidents." Her point is to distinguish between accidents (and presumably good and bad luck) and one's destiny. She believes in the latter but not the former. But I think there is no need to draw a difference, as none of those things should matter in how you approach your life. You should neither curse at God for your misfortunes, or praise God for your successes. I am not saying you should be full of yourself either, not because you are not responsible, but because your successes are not really as great as they are in your head. It extends too that you shouldn't tear yourself up over your mistakes, as your mistakes are not as grave as you might think and they are inevitable as long as you put yourself at risk by living life with some degree of abandon.
In the end, just be accountable for your experiences and your life. No luck, fate, destiny required. All the more better if those things are working on your behalf. Quietly, in the background. But completely unnecessary, except in romantic comedies, of course.
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