Another Amazing Race season has come and gone. There were highs (love the Shanghai stadium challenge, where they have to do the dragon puzzles with the wind blowing and then hand the pieces in order to their cheering sections to reveal a seat number - that should have been the finale challenge with even more puzzle pieces) and lows (ugh, the San Francisco final leg - the final memory challenge is too easy and shouldn't take place in some dingy music club; it just wasn't exciting or grand enough). Nonetheless, I love this show and will now patiently wait for Amazing Race 17 in the fall.
Here are the lessons I learned from this season's Amazing Race:
1. Lesbians are very angry and bitter. And if you u-turn them, they will rip you a new one at the final pit-stop.
2. Good guys (i.e., Cowboys) don't always win.
3. I have no gay-dar. For the whole season, I cannot tell which is the gay brother.
4. If you are the shortest man alive, you shouldn't really smoke, cuz cigarettes look too distortedly big on you.
5. Or maybe, if you are the shortest man alive, you should just smoke all you want, cuz you won't live long anyways.
6. U.S. American beauty queens can in fact read maps. She proved it everywhere like such as the China and the Asian countries.
7. Don't go on the race with your grandmother. I mean, it's very sweet and all but you won't make it very far. Unless you are a hillbilly and your mom had you when she was 14, and her mom had her when she was 14.
8. They make rain covers for cowboy hats. Or are those just big shower caps?
9. Cows will kick grandmas in the face. They have no sympathy or respect for the elders.
10. Saying muy rapido in China doesn't help.
11. Learn Morris Code.
12. Kiss up to flight attendants so they can bump you up to first class. Apparently that's all it takes to win one million dollars on Amazing Race.
13. Always mind your coconuts. Leave no coconut behind.
14. If the Race tells you to dive into the ocean to retrieve a bottle with a rolled up paper inside, you should probably take that paper out of the bottle to see what it has to say.
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