hello bitches

You know how happy families send out Christmas/New Year updates to their friends to let them know how everyone had a great time at Orlando, Joey is in AP physics, and Madison is playing soccer?  Well, this is mine for the year:

Hello Bitches:  Haha, don't get offended.  That's what all the cool people use now as a term of endearment.  You're my bitch is not like you are beneath me and I own you; it's like you're in my gang - we are homies; we are so tight that we are each other's bitches.  That's cool, right?  Just because we have a few decades under our belt now, it doesn't mean we cannot be cool and hip and say all the things the yutes are saying these days.  You gotta roll with the times, bitch.  Speaking of rolling with the times, where did 2015 go?  Another year.  The family is doing great.  By family, I mean lonesome ol' me, since I've got no wife and no kids and no girlfriend or boyfriend.  Not even a pet.  But I'm doing great.  I only went to the doctor a few times this year, for things like knee pain and some growth on my face that I wanted to make sure wasn't skin cancer.  It wasn't.  Phew.  I am taking time off work for the holidays, to use up leave that I would otherwise lose.  I am home shredding papers which isn't as fun as it sounds, because my shredder basket is kinda small and I keep having to empty it before I could continue.  It's a pain.  I am also home monitoring the leaks in my house as it rains.  Yup, just like last year, I am having leaks that I cannot resolve.  I am going to re-roof early next year to see if that helps.  There goes another $15,000.  But that's ok - I mean what else am I saving money for?  Vacation?  Ha.  I am optimistic for the new year though.  Problems don't always stay problems (I stole that from a movie).  And everytime you want to hit refresh, you can.  Anyways, thank you for being my bitches.  All the best to you! See you next year.  Bye bye, bitches.   

Needless to say, I didn't actually send this holiday letter out to all my friends.  I am too cheap to spend money on five stamps.