i once had a girl ( or should i say, she once had me)

At 7:35pm this evening, I finally finished reading Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Wood. Why is it that the books I read always leave me sad and nostalgic? Nostalgic for a past that is not even mine. I feel as if those were my rain-soaked memories, my kinky lovers, my lost friends, my persistent demons, my brave recoveries. And I feel sad that people in these books never quite achieve happiness - they barely get there and barely hold on, as if holding on is good enough. That's how it feels like in real life too. The only real difference between me and characters like Toru Watanabe is the art - they live their lives and their pains with an artfulness that I lack. Even their empty Sundays of doing laundry and ironing are artfully empty.

Norwegian Wood is my third straight Murakami novel. I am going thru a Murakami period, as I did with Vonnegut a number of years back. I just can't get enough.

I am now trying to figure what to read next. I think I will give Murakami a break and return later. Maybe Michael Chabon?

there and back again

The latest on:

The Hobbit - it is now going to be two films, covering The Hobbit and also the gap between The Hobbit and the beginning of the LOTR trilogy. The first film will be released in 2011 and the second in 2012. Filming will happen in 2010. They are still in the writing stage right now.

Nick Hornby's next novel - it is going to be called Juliet, Naked. It's about a reclusive rock star who comes out of retirement upon the re-release of his famous album named Juliet, Naked. Coming this fall.

Green Day - New cd 21st Century Breakdown comes out in May. The musical based on American Idiot goes on sneak preview at the Berkeley Rep in September.

Martin Scorsese & Leonardo DiCaprio's next project together - it's called Shuttered Island, and the synopsis sounds really good. Coming this fall.

Naomi Watts - she is reuniting with Sean Penn in a movie called Fair Game. A remake of the Cindy Crawford/Billy Baldwin classic? Nah, no such luck - it's about Valerie Plame, CIA agent whose identity was revealed by the White House.

Before Sunset sequel - it likely won't get made. Yeah, like Ethan Hawke will ever make a better movie than this. Sigh. Worst news ever.

Project Runway Season Six - it's still entangled by the legal battle between Lifetime/Weinstein and Bravo. The finale was filmed during the recent NY Fashion Week, as usual. Not likely to see light of day anytime soon. Damn lawyers and egos!

Footloose remake - Zac Efron dropped out. Now it appears Chace Crawford is in. I am interested in neither, who are just pretty-boy lightweights. (For the record, I find Robert Pattinson infinitely more interesting.) And besides, let's bring on a Flashdance remake instead - what a feeling!!!

Veronica Mars movie - The pitch was made to the producers, but no green light given. Sigh. Doesn't look good. I will just have to rely on my fond memories and the dvds.

netflix is poison

Okay, Netflix just made it that much easier for me to quit. It is jacking up the blu-ray access fee from $1 to $3 a month. I was already on the brink of quitting cuz I seem to never get the movies high on my queue - everything is always showing Very Long Wait status. Goodbye Netflix, at least for now, until I run out of things to watch on tv.

she's poison

This is amusing to me: Charges dropped against man accused of poisoning coworkers.

Hmm...I would like to put ethidium bromide in my coworker LG's cup. But then again, it takes 29 billion cups - that'll just take too long. I will be retired by then. I guess I will just have to make do with evil looks and telepathic cussings.

everyday is like sunday

On a bland Sunday like today where nothing happens (and most Sundays are like this for me, and most days are like Sundays), I compile a list of recent things that have given me some pleasure (notice I didn't say happy, cuz that would just be overstating it):

- The O.C. Complete Series dvd set (California, here I come)
- Yamo's (Burmese joint at 18th Street & Mission) fish chowder noodle
- Matt G and Kris Allen on American Idol this season
- Mel & Mike on Amazing Race 14 (unfortunately they just got eliminated tonite)
- The return of Samantha Who? (I think this is the only sitcom I watch these days)
- The slight bounce-back of the stock market (hope, baby, hope)
- M Ward's Hold Time, follow-up to the magnificent Post War
- My mom's apartment building finally gets an elevator
- Trader Joe's frozen steel cut oatmeal
- Custom Burger's sweet potato fries (sweet potato fries are my latest obsession)
- The character of Midori Kobayashi from Haruki Murakami's Norwegian Woods (a girl who likes S&M porno and takes good care of her sick father - what more can you ask for?)
- Discovering for the first time Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea (see earlier post - one day we will die...but for now we are young)

They say life is about the little pleasures and not about the big strokes. No kidding, cuz there hasn't been any stroking lately...

in the aeroplane over the sea

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round the sun
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me, me

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly from the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see
Love to be
In the arms of all I'm keeping here with me, me

What a curious life we have found here tonight
There is music that sounds from the street
There are lights in the clouds
Anne's ghost all around
Hear her voice as it's rolling and ringing through me
Soft and sweet
How the notes all bend and reach above the trees, trees

Now how I remember you
How I would push my fingers through
Your mouth to make those muscles move
That made your voice so smooth and sweet
Now we keep where we don't know
All secrets sleep in winters clothes
With one you loved so long ago
Now he don't even know his name

What a beautiful face
I have found in this place
That is circling all round' the sun
And when we meet on a cloud
I'll be laughing out loud
I'll be laughing with everyone I see
Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all

the one in which i can't sleep and become someone else

I woke up at four this am and can't get back to sleep, so here I am. I could be doing some internet shopping, but I really am trying to cut back on spending. First, obviously to save money, but secondly, to stop gathering clutter. I seriously have too much crap. I need to do some serious cleansing in my life. Get rid of baggage. Peel that onion one layer at a time and strip myself down to the core. Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I think about at four in the morning. The need to reinvent myself and become a new person, cuz sometimes you just get tired of being the same person for a few decades. I mean, dang, I find myself so freaking boring - same neuroses, same pretensions, same insecurities, same hangups, same jokes, same inclinations, same obsessions, same habits, same interests, same fears, same dreams. It would be nice to just wake up one day and find myself liking...auto mechanics or karate or Mariah Carey or something crazy like that. You know, I really have the urge to try on someone else's life, just to see what it's like to not be me. Even if it's just for a short while to gain a different perspective. But I suppose in reality, you don't just wake up like that. You have to take a look at yourself and make a change (you know, like Michael Jackson says in the song); God just doesn't wave a magic wand and you are somebody else. Although I don't see why not, since He is God. But then that's another lament for another day.

Anyways, I have another mundane day ahead of me. I have American Home Renewal coming in this morning to take a look at a couple of window leaks I am having. Not sure where the leaks are coming from. They'll probably tell me it's not the windows they installed but they are from somewhere else, which is highly possible. I freaking hate water leaks. They are impossible to deal with. If God won't wave a wand to change me, I wish He would at least waterproof my house. After that, I might go to Jamba Juice and get an oatmeal for a buck with a coupon and then head off to the office, where I actually only have one meeting today - which is kinda amazing. Seriously on an average day, I am in at least three meetings or conference calls. After work, I will get on a train to come home, eat dinner, and watch Survivor Tocatin. I guess I am rooting for Brendan and Sierra's alliance. (I hate, hate Coach by the way - what a blowhard!) Exciting, huh? See why I wanna reinvent myself and become Batman.

By the way, I do want to acknowledge how sad it is that Natasha Richardson died. She fell skiing on a beginning's slope. At first it seemed like nothing. Then a few hours later, she got headaches, went to the hospital, and died. Another example of how fickle life is. So yes, while I do want to change things up and be a super badass, I do know to appreciate what I have. It's always tricky to do that. It shouldn't take a celebrity dying to remind me of that. It's one of the most basic survival lessons one can learn - to love what you got. It really hasn't been a hard life for me, except on the inside. Outwardly everything is fine and easy. The only difficulty is in my head, and I should be able to deal with that.

Alrighty, time to go shower and forget all this crap and lose myself in the routine of my day.

Evening Update: The guy from American Home Renewal who came over was awesome. His name is Emanuel, and he spotted some cracks and caulked them for me, even though one of the cracks was on my outside stucco wall and not the window itself. Jamba Juice oatmeal, with banana topping was delicious. I ended up missing my meeting cuz I completely forgot about it - oops. And there is no Survivor tonight because of the goddamn NCAA basketball tournament - what a bunch of crap! Ruined my evening.

the one in which i re-assess my idol faves

11. Danny Gokey - Why is it that I can't stand him more and more with each passing week?
10. Scott MacIntyre
9. Michael Sarver
8. Alexis Grace - I realized this girl is totally lack of charisma.
7. Anoop Desai - Better.
6. Lil Rounds - She was terrible last night singing country.
5. Adam Lambert - What the hell was that last night? Totally ruined one of my favorite songs, Ring of Fire. He's kinda creepy, not like in a cool way. (Yes, sometimes creepy can be cool.)
4. Allison Iraheta - Seventeen going on seventy.
3. Megan Joy Corkrey - The awkward dancing (if you can call it that) still bother me, but like I said before, she's pretty. And pretty trumps awkward.
2. Matt Giraud - Go Matt!!! Best last night.
1. Kris Allen - Kris is still my favorite, which means he won't win.

I honestly wouldn't have heartburn if anyone other than Matt and Kris got eliminated. But I have this sinking feeling that Danny Gokey is the next American Idol. So don't worry - plenty of hating to come in the next few months.

As for Dancing With The Stars, Belinda Carlisle is the first to get eliminated. She wasn't very good and reminded me too much of Priscilla Presley and her bad plastic surgery-butchered face. But I love Belinda Carlisle's music (her solo work rocks), so kinda a bummer. Anyways, I am right now rooting for that guy Giles Somebody, despite the fact that he is dancing with my much-hated Cheryl Burkes.

the one in which i hate on danny gokey

My American Idol wishlist (not prediction):

Jorge Nunez and Jasmine Murray are already eliminated, so I'll only do the Top 11.
11. Anoop Desai - Uh, seriously? Beat It? My Perogative? Cheesy, unconvincing.
10. Scott MacIntyre - I don't care if he's blind. Sentimental, sappy rather than inspirational. The judges are totally patronizing him. He can move mountains??? WTF.
9. Michael Sarver - I don't care if he has to go back to being an oil rig worker, the fifth most dangerous job in the world.
8. Danny Gokey - I don't care if he has a dead wife. And yes, he has a dead wife. A newly dead wife, like a few months ago.
7. Alexis Grace - Trying too hard to do that soulful, bluesy thing.
6. Megan Joy Corkrey - Her dancing is dreadful. Her cutesy act is wearing thin. But she is pretty, and that gets you far in my books.
5. Allison Iraheta - Too much like Kelly Clarkson, except with pink hair. And pink hair never does well on American Idol.
4. Matt Giraud - Got a little bit of Timberlake vibe.
3. Lil Rounds - I actually like her and her name. Mary J. Blige like.
2. Adam Lambert - Hate his image (eeks to asymmetric hair and web pics of him cross-dressing) but like his seasoned chops.
1. Kris Allen - It's that John Mayer and Jason Mraz thing I love. Plus he is good looking and seems like a really, really nice guy.

stewart vs cramer

Jon Stewart rips Jim Cramer a new one on The Daily Show:

too much of anything is never enough

Top ten songs:
10. 21st Century Breakdown - Green Day
9. Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie
8. Love Etc. - Pet Shop Boys

7. I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris - Morrissey
6. Mathematics - Little Boots
5. Never Had Nobody Like You - M Ward
4. Cello Song - The Books with Jose Gonzalez
3. The World Should Revolve Around Me - Little Jackie

2. Let It Go - Will Young
1. Every Goliath Has Its David - The Boy Least Likely To

caves of crystals

I found an old journal entry from many a years back. It reads like this:

Spent the night with Kate yesterday. I don't know what it is, but she was somewhat distant. Sometimes I can't figure her out, like she's got all these thoughts that she won't let me into. I don't always feel like that, just sometimes when she's shutting me out. Like yesterday, even when I was lying next to her, she seemed like worlds away. I wish I had a key, a path to that inner world. I would take a flashlight, a hard hat, miles of rope, and lots of granola bars and water and go exploring. I wonder what I would find inside. Would it be beautiful caves of crystals? Or would it be all bats and cockroaches and gross stuff I would regret ever setting my eyes upon? I just wish I knew that it has nothing to do with me, that it's not indication of some kind of breakdown in our relationship. It's hard for me to just sit here worrying. That emptiness in her voice and her eyes just kills me everytime. I mean, even when we kiss, there is something off in the way she kissed back.

Yeah, I know I worry too much. I have that tendency. She is good 90% of the time, so I just need to believe everything is healthy. There is no crack in the mirror. It's just that she makes me happy, even when she makes me sad. I have never been so happy spending time with anyone. I am now so conditioned to have her in my life. Everytime the phone rings, I think it's her, and most of the time, it is her. And every morning when I wake up, she is the first thought in my head, for no particular reason. All the other girls become irrelevant to me. It's so easy to say her name, so natural from my lips. Kate. It's perfect. So when you have so much at stake, you worry about losing it. It's like if you are walking around with a million dollars in your backpack. You begin freaking out. Loving Kate is just like that - even if the million dollars have no intention of leaving you, you worry about it. My insecurity is kicking my ass big time today.

When I was at her place, I also noticed that she switched shampoo. How come she didn't tell me about it? I know it's a little thing, but when you're boyfriend and girlfriend, I think you tend to tell each other about things like that. I mean, when did it actually happen? What was the cause for the move? Is she planning to switch body wash next? I think I would tell her if I switched aftershave. I won't like make it a big announcement or anything, but I would most definitely say something. Knowing those things make you feel special. I think much more so than any deep dark secret. Although if she had any deep dark secret, like if she used to be a boy or something, I would surely like to know too. It wouldn't make me love her less, cuz I saw The Crying Game and I am open-minded about love, but I would like to know. Yes, I would like to know what shampoo she uses and whether she used to be a boy. I don't think that's unreasonable.

Anyways, I am going to try to talk to her today. To just ask her if something was wrong and give her the opportunity to tell me. She won't. She would just say nothing and smile and go about things. In a few days, it would be fine til the next time it happens again. I just hope that emptiness, that ocean, doesn't get more vast over time. One day, it might get so vast that I can't make it across.

You have no idea how infinitely sad it makes me to read this, knowing the outcome. She is so far away now.

my 401k is going to eat me alive

Yikes. I opened up my 401K statement yesterday and found out that in 2008, I lost over $100,000!!! One hundred thousand freaking dollars!!! This doesn't even include my other mutual funds outside of my 401K. That's like a lot of J.Crew clothes and Madonna concerts (well, maybe not that many Madonna concerts). See, this is the reason I haven't looked at my statement in the last few years. I have no idea what possessed me to open that envelop this past weekend. I shall never do that again.

So as a fix, I bought lottery ticket today. The jackpot is like $200+ million, so that should make up for my 401K losses. I know God is great, so He will look down upon me and say, "Dude, I feel so freaking bad for you, I am going to do you a favor and let you win the Mega Million. So don't you worry your little human head over such trivial matter." Yup, God is great.

october explained

Ok, speaking of Octo-mom, the prefix oct means eight. Octuplets is eight babies. Septuplets is seven babies. Then why is October the tenth month of the year, and September the ninth month?

Answer: October is not the eighth month because the ancient Romans inserted two months in the middle of the year to correct the calendar. This is what is now known as the Julian calendar. Why? Because July (for Julius Caesar) and August (for Augustus Caesar) were added between June and September. Sept from 7th, Oct from 8th, Nov from 9th and Dec from 10th each got moved forward two places.