I woke up at four this am and can't get back to sleep, so here I am. I could be doing some internet shopping, but I really am trying to cut back on spending. First, obviously to save money, but secondly, to stop gathering clutter. I seriously have too much crap. I need to do some serious cleansing in my life. Get rid of baggage. Peel that onion one layer at a time and strip myself down to the core. Yeah, that's the kind of stuff I think about at four in the morning. The need to reinvent myself and become a new person, cuz sometimes you just get tired of being the same person for a few decades. I mean, dang, I find myself so freaking boring - same neuroses, same pretensions, same insecurities, same hangups, same jokes, same inclinations, same obsessions, same habits, same interests, same fears, same dreams. It would be nice to just wake up one day and find myself liking...auto mechanics or karate or Mariah Carey or something crazy like that. You know, I really have the urge to try on someone else's life, just to see what it's like to not be me. Even if it's just for a short while to gain a different perspective. But I suppose in reality, you don't just wake up like that. You have to take a look at yourself and make a change (you know, like Michael Jackson says in the song); God just doesn't wave a magic wand and you are somebody else. Although I don't see why not, since He is God. But then that's another lament for another day.
Anyways, I have another mundane day ahead of me. I have American Home Renewal coming in this morning to take a look at a couple of window leaks I am having. Not sure where the leaks are coming from. They'll probably tell me it's not the windows they installed but they are from somewhere else, which is highly possible. I freaking hate water leaks. They are impossible to deal with. If God won't wave a wand to change me, I wish He would at least waterproof my house. After that, I might go to Jamba Juice and get an oatmeal for a buck with a coupon and then head off to the office, where I actually only have one meeting today - which is kinda amazing. Seriously on an average day, I am in at least three meetings or conference calls. After work, I will get on a train to come home, eat dinner, and watch Survivor Tocatin. I guess I am rooting for Brendan and Sierra's alliance. (I hate, hate Coach by the way - what a blowhard!) Exciting, huh? See why I wanna reinvent myself and become Batman.
By the way, I do want to acknowledge how sad it is that Natasha Richardson died. She fell skiing on a beginning's slope. At first it seemed like nothing. Then a few hours later, she got headaches, went to the hospital, and died. Another example of how fickle life is. So yes, while I do want to change things up and be a super badass, I do know to appreciate what I have. It's always tricky to do that. It shouldn't take a celebrity dying to remind me of that. It's one of the most basic survival lessons one can learn - to love what you got. It really hasn't been a hard life for me, except on the inside. Outwardly everything is fine and easy. The only difficulty is in my head, and I should be able to deal with that.
Alrighty, time to go shower and forget all this crap and lose myself in the routine of my day.
Evening Update: The guy from American Home Renewal who came over was awesome. His name is Emanuel, and he spotted some cracks and caulked them for me, even though one of the cracks was on my outside stucco wall and not the window itself. Jamba Juice oatmeal, with banana topping was delicious. I ended up missing my meeting cuz I completely forgot about it - oops. And there is no Survivor tonight because of the goddamn NCAA basketball tournament - what a bunch of crap! Ruined my evening.
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