Some stats: Act with the most songs at a whopping seven is Vampire Weekend. 2nd with 4 songs each are Annie (and she only put out an EP this year), James Blake, and Ivan & Alyosha. And with 3 songs each are: CHVRCHES, Daft Punk, Jake Bugg, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Olly Murs, and Tom McRae. Yay for Tom McRae for putting out an excellent album this last year. I've been a fan for a long time. I know very few people know of him, so it's my own private party.
And then based on my very scientific calculations, with weighted scores and some very fancy formulas, my top ten music acts of 2013 are:
1. Vampire Weekend
2. Annie
3. James Blake
4. Jake Bugg
5. Tom McRae
6. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
7. Ivan & Alyosha (again, who?)
8. Olly Murs
9. Miley Cyrus
10. CHVRCHES
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
end of the year post 3 - how do you solve a problem like miley?
My top 100 109 songs of 2013 are presented below. Notes: 1) I keep changing my mind about the particular placement of some songs. 2) As you can see, I really like Vampire Weekend's new cd. 3) I know some of these songs are not technically from 2013 (e.g., Chicken Fried is really old), but they are new to me this year, so I get to keep them on. 4) There are 108 songs because I just cannot limit to 100. 5) I have a surprisingly high number of songs from Ivan & Alyosha. Who dat, you ask? Yeah same here. 6) How do you solve a problem like Miley?
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Wednesday, December 25, 2013
end of the year post, two: it was fine
This is the essay edition. Doing lists is sort of cheating. It's easier than actually composing something that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Something with an arc. I am not sure whether 2013 as a year had an arc for me. It was just one of those years that just happened, played itself out without much fanfare. The biggest thing personally was that Chi Young went to study in Ireland, and I went along for three weeks. It was somewhat nerve-wracking trying to find an apartment within the short time before his semester started, but we did eventually find a place within ten minutes walk from campus. My mother is having somewhat of a health scare (I spent seven hours in the ER with her last weekend). It turned out to be less dire than the ER docs made it seem. We are doing more tests now and are hoping she won't need surgery. My own health has improved; the abdominal pain I complained much of last year about has gone away, on its own. I had an unpaid vacation, during which I got a letter from IRS saying I owe the government money, but fortunately it turned out that I only needed to supply some documentation to IRS to support something I claimed in my prior year return. So maybe that is the arc: things happen, and you worry, and you do stuff, and then things turn out fine.Well not everything turned out completely fine. There were a few things that I wish had turned out differently. For example, I wish Before Midnight was different. I waited nine years for the sequel to probably my most beloved movie of all time, Before Sunset. And it just didn't, or couldn't, live up to my expectations. I wish: 1) Celine and Jesse didn't have those blonde twins (I am not a fan of blonde twins - it's like a sitcom convention to me, a la Full House or The Suite Life of Zack and Cody); 2) that whole meal scene with all those other people didn't exist (it felt as if I were stuck in the middle of a most pretentious conversation with a bunch of pretentious, well-to-do white people); 3) Jesse didn't turn out to be so obsessed with sex (he played like a dirty, middle-aged man); and 4) I didn't see Celine's boobs, for an uncomfortably looong time (I don't know why, but it just felt wrong to me). Don't get me wrong - I still find Celine to be the most interesting, complex, and lovably neurotic female film character that ever was. But whereas Before Sunset and Before Sunrise felt ethereal, Before Midnight felt heavy. I know Richard Linklater, Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke wanted to take Celine and Jesse to darker places and explore what relationships feel like after the initial magic has worn off and familiarity took its toll, but I am not sure that's what I want to see between Celine and Jesse. I want to believe that magic exists, whether it's nine or eighteens years later. It can be in a different form - I am alright with that. But I don't want them to suck the magic out completely. That scene where Celine is watching the sunset and commentating, "Still there, still there, still there, gone..." - well, I don't like the "gone" part.
But gone is how things go sometimes. And fate is twisty and sick. How else to explain what happened to Asiana Flight 214 and that teenage girl who had actually survived the crash only to be killed by being run over on the tarmac by an emergency response vehicle? If you think about it, with every tragedy like this, it takes an entire series of events to put a person at the wrong place at the wrong time. Call it coincidence and randomness, or call it fate and destiny. Regardless, there she was. And there those Boston marathoners were when the bombs exploded at the finish line. One minute faster or slower, you wouldn't be there. If only we can travel back and forth through time and space like the Doctor.
Oh the Doctor! I would say if there were anything that satisfied me completely this year, it is catching up on all seven series of Doctor Who. I have become a complete fanboy. I even bought a license plate frame that says "My Other Ride Is A Tardis." Blink with the weeping angels, the episode with Vincent Van Gogh, Vastra with Jenny and Strax, the second half of series 3, and the Christmas specials were all highlights. But more than anything, I was charmed by Matt Smith's Doctor Who - his ability to be a young child and an old man at the same time, his fish-out-of-water mannerisms (his awkward air kisses kill me everytime). I cannot express how sad I am that he is leaving the show. Tonight is his last episode as the 11th Doctor. Matt Smith will regenerate into Peter Capaldi, by all acounts a great actor. Whovians are actually quite happy with this choice. So maybe things will turn out fine. That's the great thing about Doctor Who and time traveling and regeneration - you almost always have a chance to make things okay. Whereas in the Before Sunrise series, time is actually the greatest foe against Celine and Jesse's romance (in the first two, too little time; in the third, too much time), in Doctor Who time is the Doctor's greatest friend.
So back here on earth, where time is linear and marches on without regard, the older I get, the more I appreciate things being just fine. It used to be that I crave for things to happen, to put a jolt in my life. I wanted grand gestures. I wanted to be swept off my feet by the giant waves of life. I thought of how every year that something doesn't happen, then nothing happens. But lately, I am grateful of any year that I make it out to the clearing with barely a scratch. I am too aware that if things didn't go fine, I cannot actually fix it. I haven't been able to fix anything from my past that went wrong. My other ride is not a Tardis. Fortunately, this year 2013 was fine, just fine. No time travel required. I am happy to leave things alone.
Monday, December 23, 2013
end of the year post
End of the year post, 2013:
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, movies: Before Midnight, Star Trek Into Darkness, Gravity
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, music: Jack Johnson's From Here To Now To You, Arcade Fire's Reflektor
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, gadgets: Apple's iPhone 5s, 5c, iPad Air - all were less than exciting to me - where were the wow upgrades???
Best 2012 movie that I saw in 2013: Perks Of Being A Wallflower
Best 2013 movie that I saw in 2013: Pacific Rim, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (this one is actually way better than the first Hobbit movie - I liked it quite a bit, and it brought me back to my love of all things LOTR)
Surprisingly good movie I saw in 2013: World War Z
Surprisingly bad movie I saw in 2013: On The Road
Worst movie: Sharknado - I honestly expected it to be so bad that it's good, but it was just bad period.
Best new tv show: The Goldbergs, Bates Motel
Favorite tv show: Doctor Who
Favorite tv show, reality: Amazing Race
Best actor, tv: Matt Smith, Doctor Who
Best actress, tv: Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel
Best actor, movie: Michael Fassbender, Prometheus
Best actress, movie: Julie Delpy, Before Midnight
TV cancellation that still hurts: Happy Endings, Bunheads
Best cd: Vampire Weekend's Modern Vampires Of The City, James Blake's Overgrown
Person I surprisingly did a 180 on, for the better: Miley Cyrus
Show I surprisingly did a 180 on, for the worse: New Girl
Person I still don't get what the big deal is about: Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Matthew McConaughey
Should have been a bigger deal: Pacific Rim
Favorite new store: Grocery Outlet
Favorite website: Slickdeals, Amazon
Guilty tv: QVC
Favorite daytime tv: The Chew
Things I am collecting: Flashlights, Lock & Lock storage containers
Saddest celebrity death: Paul Walker
Goodnight sweet prince: Nelson Mandela
Hello sweet prince: Prince George
Biggest fall from grace, sports edition: Oscar Pistorius, Aaron Hernandez, Lance Armstrong
Biggest injustice: George Zimmerman acquitted of Trayvon Martin murder
Flop that makes me happy: Lady Gaga'sFartpop
Success that makes me happy: Veronica Mars Kickstarter campaign, Sandra Bullock, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Favorite female, music: Annie
Favorite male, music: James Blake
Favorite band, music: Vampire Weekend
Most horrific event on the news: Asiana flight crash, Philippines typhoon, Boston marathon bombing
Most hopeful event on the news: The new Pope, Malala, gay marriages, and Batkid
I wish I knew how to quit you: The Patriots, online shopping
Douche bag of the year: Justin Bieber (peeing in a mop bucket, getting carried up the Great Wall)
Favorite name: Chris (Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Chris Evans)
Most charming, European style: Tom Hiddleston
Most charming, American style: Jennifer Lawrence
Most disappointing breakup: Matt Smith and Doctor Who, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr
Adventure of the year: Ireland
Biggest relief: My abdominal pain went away
Pop cultural phenom I know nothing about: Breaking Bad, Cronuts
Pop cultural phenom I want nothing to do with: Twerking
Favorite book: Madonna NYC 83 by Richard Corman (yes, it's a photo book requiring no reading but I love 80's Madonna)
Favorite celebrity progeny: Rocco Ritchie
Craziest: Kim Jong Un (for executing his own uncle who used to be his former mentor - I think he's been watching too many Korean soap operas)
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, movies: Before Midnight, Star Trek Into Darkness, Gravity
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, music: Jack Johnson's From Here To Now To You, Arcade Fire's Reflektor
Somewhat of a letdown but I don't really want to admit it, gadgets: Apple's iPhone 5s, 5c, iPad Air - all were less than exciting to me - where were the wow upgrades???
Best 2012 movie that I saw in 2013: Perks Of Being A Wallflower
Best 2013 movie that I saw in 2013: Pacific Rim, The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug (this one is actually way better than the first Hobbit movie - I liked it quite a bit, and it brought me back to my love of all things LOTR)
Surprisingly good movie I saw in 2013: World War Z
Surprisingly bad movie I saw in 2013: On The Road
Worst movie: Sharknado - I honestly expected it to be so bad that it's good, but it was just bad period.
Best new tv show: The Goldbergs, Bates Motel
Favorite tv show: Doctor Who
Favorite tv show, reality: Amazing Race
Best actor, tv: Matt Smith, Doctor Who
Best actress, tv: Vera Farmiga, Bates Motel
Best actor, movie: Michael Fassbender, Prometheus
Best actress, movie: Julie Delpy, Before Midnight
TV cancellation that still hurts: Happy Endings, Bunheads
Best cd: Vampire Weekend's Modern Vampires Of The City, James Blake's Overgrown
Person I surprisingly did a 180 on, for the better: Miley Cyrus
Show I surprisingly did a 180 on, for the worse: New Girl
Person I still don't get what the big deal is about: Beyonce, Justin Timberlake, Matthew McConaughey
Should have been a bigger deal: Pacific Rim
Favorite new store: Grocery Outlet
Favorite website: Slickdeals, Amazon
Guilty tv: QVC
Favorite daytime tv: The Chew
Things I am collecting: Flashlights, Lock & Lock storage containers
Saddest celebrity death: Paul Walker
Goodnight sweet prince: Nelson Mandela
Hello sweet prince: Prince George
Biggest fall from grace, sports edition: Oscar Pistorius, Aaron Hernandez, Lance Armstrong
Biggest injustice: George Zimmerman acquitted of Trayvon Martin murder
Flop that makes me happy: Lady Gaga's
Success that makes me happy: Veronica Mars Kickstarter campaign, Sandra Bullock, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Favorite female, music: Annie
Favorite male, music: James Blake
Favorite band, music: Vampire Weekend
Most horrific event on the news: Asiana flight crash, Philippines typhoon, Boston marathon bombing
Most hopeful event on the news: The new Pope, Malala, gay marriages, and Batkid
I wish I knew how to quit you: The Patriots, online shopping
Douche bag of the year: Justin Bieber (peeing in a mop bucket, getting carried up the Great Wall)
Favorite name: Chris (Chris Pine, Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pratt, Chris Evans)
Most charming, European style: Tom Hiddleston
Most charming, American style: Jennifer Lawrence
Most disappointing breakup: Matt Smith and Doctor Who, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr
Adventure of the year: Ireland
Biggest relief: My abdominal pain went away
Pop cultural phenom I know nothing about: Breaking Bad, Cronuts
Pop cultural phenom I want nothing to do with: Twerking
Favorite book: Madonna NYC 83 by Richard Corman (yes, it's a photo book requiring no reading but I love 80's Madonna)
Favorite celebrity progeny: Rocco Ritchie
Craziest: Kim Jong Un (for executing his own uncle who used to be his former mentor - I think he's been watching too many Korean soap operas)
Saturday, November 30, 2013
black is the new friday
Ongoing post on what I bought for Black Friday -
Not sure how good shopping will be this Black Friday week. But I'll keep a post going to keep track. I am tracking things I am buying since 11/22 Friday:
11/22/2013 Friday: Norpro set of 3 silicone suction lids, from Amazon, $13 (kinda obsessing over suction lids these days - yup I have odd obsessions)
11/23/2013 Saturday: X-Files seasons 1-9 on dvd, from FoxConnect, $59 ($6 a season is too good to pass up - the rumored blu ray set is going to be way more expensive)
11/23/2013 Saturday: Dove's Men's Care Body Wash (qty 2), from Amazon, $1.80 each
11/23/2013 Saturday: Misc groceries, from Grocery Outlet, $21 (does groceries count as Black Friday shopping?)
11/24/2013 Sunday: From Up The Poppy Hill blu ray, from Amazon, $13 (Studio Ghibli blu ray for cheap is rare, so I am blind buying)
11/25/2013 Monday: Pasquale Pizza voucher from Livingsocial, $8
11/26/2013 Tuesday: Misc groceries, from Trader Joe's, Grocery Outlet, and Safeway $25 (come on, when is real Black Friday shopping beginning? This is all kinda lame, me logging in my grocery shopping.)
11/26/2013 Tuesday: 3 shirts and 1 windbreaker from Land's End Canvas, $65 (I suspect a majority of this order is going to be returned, since I am hit-and-miss with Land's End sizing.)
11/26/2013 Tuesday: WD portable 500 GB hard drive, from Target, $40 (for the porn stash - actually to be honest, it's more for the Doctor Who and Three's Company stash, but admitting that is kinda embarrassing...)
11/27/2013 Wednesday: Ninja Master Prep blender, from Target, $17 (kids, this is crazy - original price is $50, Black Friday doorbuster price is $30, and I scored this for $17 using Target's cartwheel app)
11/27/2013 Wednesday: Dyson DC 35, from Target, $120 (get ready to have your mind blown - original price is $330, Black Friday doorbuster price is $200, and I scored this for $120!!!!! Bam! Now that's shopping!)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Star Trek Into Darkness, World War Z, Pacific Rim blu rays, from Amazon, $9 each (all $7.99 plus tax)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Pitch Perfect blu ray, from Amazon, $10 ($9 plus tax)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Madonna NYC 83 photograph book from Richard Corman, from Amazon $27 (I love this period in Madonna history. I've been wanting this for a while, used Amazon's 30% coupon code bookdeal for $10 off)
11/28/2013 Thursday: The Conjuring blu ray, from Rakuten, $2 (used free points I magically had in my account)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Voucher for $10 IceBee Frozen Yogurt, from Groupon, $0 (used free $5 credit I got from Groupon)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Perks Of Being A Wallflower dvd, from Amazon, $4.60 (I've been waiting for the blu ray to come down to below $10. Close but no cigar, so I opted to go for the dvd for $4 plus tax.)
11/29/2013 Friday: Laptop sleeve and 2 camera cases, from Case Logic, $1 (yup one dollar for all three items)
11/29/2013 Friday: Eneloop rechargeable batteries and charger, from Costco (qty 2), $22 each
11/29/2013 Friday: Microfiber dish drying mat, from Costco, $6
11/29/2013 Friday: Colgate toothpaste, from Target, $3
11/29/2013 Friday: Toshiba Canvio portable 1 TB hard drive, from Staples, $44 (will probably return the Target drive I bought on Tuesday, since this one is double the size for double the porn, for the same price)
11/29/2013 Friday: The Croods blu ray, from Amazon, $11 (got this in mind as a gift for a little person, and I don't mean a midget)
Total: $564 so far
(Am I going to come in under $500??? Oh craps, I went above $500. I guess I am gonna return a few of the items, so it'll net down to just around $500.)
Not sure how good shopping will be this Black Friday week. But I'll keep a post going to keep track. I am tracking things I am buying since 11/22 Friday:
11/22/2013 Friday: Norpro set of 3 silicone suction lids, from Amazon, $13 (kinda obsessing over suction lids these days - yup I have odd obsessions)
11/23/2013 Saturday: X-Files seasons 1-9 on dvd, from FoxConnect, $59 ($6 a season is too good to pass up - the rumored blu ray set is going to be way more expensive)
11/23/2013 Saturday: Dove's Men's Care Body Wash (qty 2), from Amazon, $1.80 each
11/23/2013 Saturday: Misc groceries, from Grocery Outlet, $21 (does groceries count as Black Friday shopping?)
11/24/2013 Sunday: From Up The Poppy Hill blu ray, from Amazon, $13 (Studio Ghibli blu ray for cheap is rare, so I am blind buying)
11/25/2013 Monday: Pasquale Pizza voucher from Livingsocial, $8
11/26/2013 Tuesday: Misc groceries, from Trader Joe's, Grocery Outlet, and Safeway $25 (come on, when is real Black Friday shopping beginning? This is all kinda lame, me logging in my grocery shopping.)
11/26/2013 Tuesday: 3 shirts and 1 windbreaker from Land's End Canvas, $65 (I suspect a majority of this order is going to be returned, since I am hit-and-miss with Land's End sizing.)
11/26/2013 Tuesday: WD portable 500 GB hard drive, from Target, $40 (for the porn stash - actually to be honest, it's more for the Doctor Who and Three's Company stash, but admitting that is kinda embarrassing...)
11/27/2013 Wednesday: Ninja Master Prep blender, from Target, $17 (kids, this is crazy - original price is $50, Black Friday doorbuster price is $30, and I scored this for $17 using Target's cartwheel app)
11/27/2013 Wednesday: Dyson DC 35, from Target, $120 (get ready to have your mind blown - original price is $330, Black Friday doorbuster price is $200, and I scored this for $120!!!!! Bam! Now that's shopping!)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Star Trek Into Darkness, World War Z, Pacific Rim blu rays, from Amazon, $9 each (all $7.99 plus tax)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Pitch Perfect blu ray, from Amazon, $10 ($9 plus tax)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Madonna NYC 83 photograph book from Richard Corman, from Amazon $27 (I love this period in Madonna history. I've been wanting this for a while, used Amazon's 30% coupon code bookdeal for $10 off)
11/28/2013 Thursday: The Conjuring blu ray, from Rakuten, $2 (used free points I magically had in my account)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Voucher for $10 IceBee Frozen Yogurt, from Groupon, $0 (used free $5 credit I got from Groupon)
11/28/2013 Thursday: Perks Of Being A Wallflower dvd, from Amazon, $4.60 (I've been waiting for the blu ray to come down to below $10. Close but no cigar, so I opted to go for the dvd for $4 plus tax.)
11/29/2013 Friday: Laptop sleeve and 2 camera cases, from Case Logic, $1 (yup one dollar for all three items)
11/29/2013 Friday: Eneloop rechargeable batteries and charger, from Costco (qty 2), $22 each
11/29/2013 Friday: Microfiber dish drying mat, from Costco, $6
11/29/2013 Friday: Colgate toothpaste, from Target, $3
11/29/2013 Friday: Toshiba Canvio portable 1 TB hard drive, from Staples, $44 (will probably return the Target drive I bought on Tuesday, since this one is double the size for double the porn, for the same price)
11/29/2013 Friday: The Croods blu ray, from Amazon, $11 (got this in mind as a gift for a little person, and I don't mean a midget)
Total: $564 so far
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Tuesday, November 26, 2013
praise you
Things that I give thumbs up to:
Doctor Who Day Of The Doctor: Tenth and Eleventh together! Awesomeness doubled. But oh Matt Smith - why must you leave? One more episode only. So sad.
Sandra Bullock - EW's Entertainer Of The Year: She deserves it. She is one of the few that I genuinely believe is THAT nice (vs. some publicity machine bullshit).
Grocery Outlet: New store opened on Geary. I love good bargains. I bought a box of six Van de Kamp fish fillet for $.99. That's crazy, right?
The Goldbergs: I am going to say this is my favorite show on tv not hosted by Phil Keoghan.
Uniqlo fleece jacket: $15 during grand opening sale. And not cheap fleece either. I love fleece. It makes me feel like a cuddly teddy bear when I am really like a cold, hard, steely assassin on the inside.
Wrecking Ball: Sooner or later I am going to have to stop feeling guilty for liking a Miley Cyrus song. This song is so awesome, and she does sing the heck out of it.
Pats Beating Broncos: I know I said I am swearing off the Pats but anytime Brady bests Manning is a good thing for me. And I am liking the way Julian Edelman is rising this season.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
we used to be friends
Things I used to like/love that now makes me shudder/annoys me:
Glee - Thinking back to the pilot and oh, what promises it held. But I stopped believin' long ago. It was all downhill from season one onwards. The characters are increasingly annoying, and the plots non-sensical (you still need some semblance of character/plot continuity even if it's a musical!!!). Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel have got to be the most self-absorbed protagonists in tv history.
New Girl - It's the Moonlighting syndrome. They killed it by having Jess and Nick get together. Their hipster romance is so misguided and so...hipster that I had to stop watching this season or I would have eventually stuck myself with a fork.
Lady Gaga - Yeah, when her first cd first arrived, I thought for a sec, we have a good Madonna wannabe. I am always a champion for good old fashioned electronic dance pop (love Robyn!). But then she somehow got into her head that she's some kind of modern art herself. The costumes and the looks jump the shark, and we soon realize the emperor has no clothes. In Chinese, there's a phrase called Run Fire Enter Monster that is totally appropos. Last straw for me was her passive-aggressive feud with the Big M. Bow down, you pretentious hack - you wouldn't even have a career without Madonna's blueprint.
Johnny Depp - Oh how I don't want to dislike Johnny Depp. I love Edward Scissorhands-, 21 Jump Street-, Ed Wood-, Donnie Brasco-Johnny Depp. I even liked the first Pirates-Johnny Depp. But Pirates was the worst thing that could have happened, because it was his first major commercial blockbuster, and for the first time, he became predictable. All he does now is play Jack Sparrow over and over again. He's become a caricature. Think all the subsequent Pirates movies, Alice In Wonderland, Willy Wonka - eeks. Will we ever get our beloved Johnny Depp back?
San Francisco 49ers - How can I not root for my hometown team, with a rich history that includes Bill Walsh, Joe Montana and Steve Young? I heart Steve Young! But then you gave us Jeff Garcia - blah. This was followed by a decade or so where I have no idea what happened. It was all kind of a blur while my attention was stolen by the Patriots. Now though my primary disdain for the Niners stems from the dick (Jim Harbaugh) and the thug (Colin Kaepernick). I am actually rooting for the Niners to lose every week til those assholes are out of here. (Yeah, I don't like them.)
Glee - Thinking back to the pilot and oh, what promises it held. But I stopped believin' long ago. It was all downhill from season one onwards. The characters are increasingly annoying, and the plots non-sensical (you still need some semblance of character/plot continuity even if it's a musical!!!). Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel have got to be the most self-absorbed protagonists in tv history.
New Girl - It's the Moonlighting syndrome. They killed it by having Jess and Nick get together. Their hipster romance is so misguided and so...hipster that I had to stop watching this season or I would have eventually stuck myself with a fork.
Lady Gaga - Yeah, when her first cd first arrived, I thought for a sec, we have a good Madonna wannabe. I am always a champion for good old fashioned electronic dance pop (love Robyn!). But then she somehow got into her head that she's some kind of modern art herself. The costumes and the looks jump the shark, and we soon realize the emperor has no clothes. In Chinese, there's a phrase called Run Fire Enter Monster that is totally appropos. Last straw for me was her passive-aggressive feud with the Big M. Bow down, you pretentious hack - you wouldn't even have a career without Madonna's blueprint.
Johnny Depp - Oh how I don't want to dislike Johnny Depp. I love Edward Scissorhands-, 21 Jump Street-, Ed Wood-, Donnie Brasco-Johnny Depp. I even liked the first Pirates-Johnny Depp. But Pirates was the worst thing that could have happened, because it was his first major commercial blockbuster, and for the first time, he became predictable. All he does now is play Jack Sparrow over and over again. He's become a caricature. Think all the subsequent Pirates movies, Alice In Wonderland, Willy Wonka - eeks. Will we ever get our beloved Johnny Depp back?
San Francisco 49ers - How can I not root for my hometown team, with a rich history that includes Bill Walsh, Joe Montana and Steve Young? I heart Steve Young! But then you gave us Jeff Garcia - blah. This was followed by a decade or so where I have no idea what happened. It was all kind of a blur while my attention was stolen by the Patriots. Now though my primary disdain for the Niners stems from the dick (Jim Harbaugh) and the thug (Colin Kaepernick). I am actually rooting for the Niners to lose every week til those assholes are out of here. (Yeah, I don't like them.)
the memories will be lost
I am the one who forgets. I hate my bad memory. People would accuse that I said this and that in some distant past, when I am pretty sure I didn't, or that the conversation didn't quite go exactly as they say. Things get taken out of context or twisted. But unfortunately my memory is so fuzzy that I cannot effectively defend myself. I just think, I couldn't have possibly said that, but I may have said something close to it but not close enough for whatever I am being accused of to be the truth. It's so frustrating and exhausting.
I probably get myself in trouble sometimes for not being tight-lipped enough. I blame myself because it's not as if I don't know the pitfalls of gossip. I am not naive, and generally I don't trust people, but yet, over and over, I end up talking. Of course, it's all pretty innocent while it's happening. You think you are having a casual conversation, or you are just venting or confiding to a close friend, or having a laugh or poking fun, or showing solidarity against a common enemy. But it's a world of booby traps out there, and before you know it, you've got a mess.
So, from today on, I am going to try my sincerest to keep my mouth shut in the office. Nobody needs to know my business. And I don't need to know other people's. Just keep focused on work. That's what's important. And not complain so much, because nobody likes complainers, whether legit or not. I know this won't stop people from spreading plain old lies about me (as if I were a celebrity or someone worth lying about), but at least then, I could definitively say I am not contributing to it.
Either that, or I wish I could record every conversation as evidence. That way, I would be able to prove my innocence or maybe learn from where I went wrong. (But most likely, I will prove my innocence.)
I probably get myself in trouble sometimes for not being tight-lipped enough. I blame myself because it's not as if I don't know the pitfalls of gossip. I am not naive, and generally I don't trust people, but yet, over and over, I end up talking. Of course, it's all pretty innocent while it's happening. You think you are having a casual conversation, or you are just venting or confiding to a close friend, or having a laugh or poking fun, or showing solidarity against a common enemy. But it's a world of booby traps out there, and before you know it, you've got a mess.
So, from today on, I am going to try my sincerest to keep my mouth shut in the office. Nobody needs to know my business. And I don't need to know other people's. Just keep focused on work. That's what's important. And not complain so much, because nobody likes complainers, whether legit or not. I know this won't stop people from spreading plain old lies about me (as if I were a celebrity or someone worth lying about), but at least then, I could definitively say I am not contributing to it.
Either that, or I wish I could record every conversation as evidence. That way, I would be able to prove my innocence or maybe learn from where I went wrong. (But most likely, I will prove my innocence.)
Sunday, November 17, 2013
the memories we made will never be lost
Yo, Marki - what ya listenin' to?
Well lemme tell ya -
17. Let Go - RAC featuring Kele & MNDR
16. Reflektor - Arcade Fire
15. The Mother We Share - CHVRCHES
14. Free Your Mind - Cut Copy
13. I See Fire - Ed Sheeran
12. Hey Lover - Dawes
11. Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus
10. Life Round Here - James Blake featuring Chance The Rapper
9. Confidence - The Dodos
8. Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey
7. Instant Crush - Daft Punk featuring Julian Casablancas
6. Over Your Shoulder - Chromeo
5. Barside - PHOX
4. Throw Your Arms Around Me - Eddie Vedder & Neil Finn
3. Let Her Go - passEnger
2. Small Plane - Bill Callahan
1. Shake - The Head And The Heart
Well lemme tell ya -
17. Let Go - RAC featuring Kele & MNDR
16. Reflektor - Arcade Fire
15. The Mother We Share - CHVRCHES
14. Free Your Mind - Cut Copy
13. I See Fire - Ed Sheeran
12. Hey Lover - Dawes
11. Wrecking Ball - Miley Cyrus
10. Life Round Here - James Blake featuring Chance The Rapper
9. Confidence - The Dodos
8. Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey
7. Instant Crush - Daft Punk featuring Julian Casablancas
6. Over Your Shoulder - Chromeo
5. Barside - PHOX
4. Throw Your Arms Around Me - Eddie Vedder & Neil Finn
3. Let Her Go - passEnger
2. Small Plane - Bill Callahan
1. Shake - The Head And The Heart
Sunday, November 10, 2013
origins - walls
Tim Biskup - The Tim Biskup serigraph in my living room was purchased online in 2005. I paid a few hundred bucks for it. It's called Hazel's Field. Tim Biskup is a SoCal-based artist. His style is psychedelic pop, with Japanese anime touches. I was a big fan of this style for a period. I even have a skateboard designed by Tim Biskup. Of course, for me, skateboards are for hanging on the wall, not for riding and scratching up.Paul Klee - In my college days, if you had asked me to name a favorite painter, I would have said Paul Klee. I love the child-like quality of his works, as if kids had painted them but you know they couldn't really. My old friend Henry gave me a framed Paul Klee print. I cannot remember what the occasion was, but I have it hanging in my hallway. Henry was a solid good guy who kinda disappeared from the face of the earth a number of years back. He made a conscious decision to cut off ties with all his friends, so I think it was not just me. I wasn't sure what was going through his head, but I wish I could have helped or was good enough of a friend whom he could have confided in. But yeah, out of the blue, I just couldn't reach him. I heard through another friend who knew his brother that Henry ended up moving away to Arizona and then did construction work or something like that. I also heard that he is now back in Northern CA but I have no idea where. Anyways, sometimes when I look at the Paul Klee in my hallway, I think of him.
Doors - I knew a girl named Alice in my college days. She was a foreign student from HK, a rich girl who drove a BMW and had a $1000-plus per month apartment near Lake Merritt. She was probably the closest friend I had at Cal. But her taste was always too rich for my blood. She liked going to nice Japanese restaurants for lunch, when all I really could afford was a fast food sandwich. And she was high maintenance too. But somehow we got along. Most of the times. Anyways, when we graduated and she had to return to HK, the last gift she gave me was a photographic print that showed a series of weathered doors. On one of the doorways laid a lazy, sleeping dog. I supposed this print symbolized all the doors that stood in front of us at that time. Well, this many years later, those doors are still weathered and closed, and the dog is still lazy and sleeping. I didn't really bother opening or walking through any of the doors in front of me.
In The Mood For Love - I have a small reproduction Japanese movie poster of In The Mood For Love in my bedroom. It is probably my #2 favorite Wong Kar Wai movie, and I love this poster I got from eBay, which has Maggie Cheung in recline pose and Tony Leung with his face on her lap and his hand caressing her leg. I miss Wong Kar Wai movies of those days - starting with Days Of Being Wild to Fallen Angels to Happy Together. Chungking Express is my favorite by the way. I think he lost his magic with 2046. I haven't seen Grandmaster yet - I am not even sure whether it's coming out in the U.S. My enthusiasm has waned. Maybe one day I will be in the mood again.
Project Hearts - Back in 2004 there was this public art project in San Francisco, where heart sculptures were installed over all the city. Regina went around to take pictures of them for a photo collage. She gave me one of her collage prints which I have hanging next to my front door. I love her caption which says "Pictures taken with great fun..." I imagine it would have been great fun to do a project like this - exploring San Francisco looking for hearts. The thing that is inconceivable to me is that this was all the way back in 2004!!! That's almost a freaking decade ago. In fact, looking at these prints on my walls and telling of their origins make me somewhat melancholy and nostalgic. I feel like I am one of those old people in the movies who is looking back at his life in flashbacks.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
arancini and reality bites
Today I took the day off to use some of my leave and also because I have a dental appointment. So before the appointment I went to stock up on groceries. Here is my bounty:
From Kukje Korean Market:
instant ramen
frozen kimchee and pork potstickers (the Bibigo brand which I thoroughly enjoy)
fried bean curd
2 bottles of Korean BBQ sauce
Sriracha sauce
From Target:
Cheez It
2 cans of cream of chicken and 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
Advil
From Sunset Super:
pork meatballs
fish cake
2 packs of saltine crackers
rice crackers
From Trader Joe's:
mini chicken tacos
arancini bites (never heard of arancini balls til Top Chef this week, then I see it in TJ's frozen section - it's fate, no?)
bag of kale
bag of mixed power greens
frozen naan
I also had a grilled pork over rice from Loi's for lunch. I spent around $70. Yup, days off cost me money.
From Kukje Korean Market:
instant ramen
frozen kimchee and pork potstickers (the Bibigo brand which I thoroughly enjoy)
fried bean curd
2 bottles of Korean BBQ sauce
Sriracha sauce
From Target:
Cheez It
2 cans of cream of chicken and 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup
Advil
From Sunset Super:
pork meatballs
fish cake
2 packs of saltine crackers
rice crackers
From Trader Joe's:
mini chicken tacos
arancini bites (never heard of arancini balls til Top Chef this week, then I see it in TJ's frozen section - it's fate, no?)
bag of kale
bag of mixed power greens
frozen naan
I also had a grilled pork over rice from Loi's for lunch. I spent around $70. Yup, days off cost me money.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
irish in one year
Alrighty, since the unpaid vacation ended, I haven't had much time to write, but here is the numero uno thing I miss about Ireland - the kid:
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Saturday, October 19, 2013
11 years a slave
Weather: Warm
Mood: Stressed - unpaid vacation is over after sixteen days and now the work backlog awaits
Music: The Head And The Heart's Shake
Last Movie: Gravity (I originally gave this a B+, but I think I am downgrading it to a B)
Reading: Nothing
Last Pleasure: The Goldbergs - this show just tickles my funny bone and tugs at my heart string
Last Worry: Money - thank the lord we are getting backpay or else I would be totally screwed
Last accomplishment: Getting Chi Young settled in Galway
Looking Forward To: 12 Years A Slave
Not Really Looking Forward To: 11 years a slave to work
Gas Price: $4.079/gallon premium
Clothes: Old Navy's blue fleece sweatshirt, Gap jeans
Today's Headline: 2 BART Maintenance Workers Struck, Killed By Train In Walnut Creek (By the way, BART workers started their strike this past Friday, so BART trains are actually not running. This train was doing some kind of test run being driven by a manager when two non-union workers were hit. Yikes. The worker union is gonna have a field day with this one.)
Last Website Visited: ebay
Last Meal: Instant ramen (I am addicted now)
Last Purchase: Harper's Bazaar Madonna cover (I have a huge Madonna magazine collection.)
Item On My Wishlist: The Cornetto Trilogy on blu ray (Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End)
Latest Evidence It's A Beautiful World: I am just blown away by these silicone cup lids. Whoever invented them is a genius; it's like magic how they are watertight once you put it on. You can find these on ebay.
Mood: Stressed - unpaid vacation is over after sixteen days and now the work backlog awaits
Music: The Head And The Heart's Shake
Last Movie: Gravity (I originally gave this a B+, but I think I am downgrading it to a B)
Reading: Nothing
Last Pleasure: The Goldbergs - this show just tickles my funny bone and tugs at my heart string
Last Worry: Money - thank the lord we are getting backpay or else I would be totally screwed
Last accomplishment: Getting Chi Young settled in Galway
Looking Forward To: 12 Years A Slave
Not Really Looking Forward To: 11 years a slave to work
Gas Price: $4.079/gallon premium
Clothes: Old Navy's blue fleece sweatshirt, Gap jeans
Today's Headline: 2 BART Maintenance Workers Struck, Killed By Train In Walnut Creek (By the way, BART workers started their strike this past Friday, so BART trains are actually not running. This train was doing some kind of test run being driven by a manager when two non-union workers were hit. Yikes. The worker union is gonna have a field day with this one.)
Last Website Visited: ebay
Last Meal: Instant ramen (I am addicted now)
Last Purchase: Harper's Bazaar Madonna cover (I have a huge Madonna magazine collection.)
Item On My Wishlist: The Cornetto Trilogy on blu ray (Shaun Of The Dead, Hot Fuzz, The World's End)
Latest Evidence It's A Beautiful World: I am just blown away by these silicone cup lids. Whoever invented them is a genius; it's like magic how they are watertight once you put it on. You can find these on ebay.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
love money nudity
Why is Miley naked in front of Stevie Wonder? Isn't that a perfect waste of nudity? Do I need to write another open letter to Miley?
day sixteen: from buskers to bus drivers
Ireland Illustrated Part Trois:
I love buskers and generally anyone who tries to make a living peddling their art (except Lady Gaga of course, cuz I am not buying whatever "art" she is selling - I mean holy crap, did you see her new album cover???). Buskers on Shop Street in Galway and Grafton Street in Dublin remind me of the movie Once. Man, that was a great movie. And the song Falling Slowly has got to be one of my favorite songs of all time.
Along with sheep and buskers, ice cream is rather easy to find in Ireland. They sell ice cream pretty much everywhere - every convenience store has a soft ice cream machine. A 99 is a soft ice cream with a Cadbury Flake bar. Ice cream in Ireland is creamy, rich, and delicious, probably because of the Irish diary. I had the convenient store variety in Dingle, the fast food variety at SuperMac in Galway, the gourmet ice cream shop variety at Murphy's in Killarney, the gelato version at Gino's in Dublin, and the shake version at Shakes in Dublin. Oh and on my 2nd to last day there, I had an iced hot chocolate (like the frozen hot chocolate from NYC's Serendipity) from this chocolate shop called Butler's. Ok I am actually really craving ice cream as I write this. Should I head out to Bi-Rite for some honey lavender, or salted caramel, or roasted banana?
San Francisco bus drivers are assholes. I know I am generalizing - surely there are hardworking, professional, courteous MUNI bus drivers out there, but it just hasn't been my pleasure to encounter one. When I was in high school, I actually had the driver close the door on me with my foot inside the bus and the rest of me outside. The oblivious driver started to take off, with me hopping alongside banging on the door. Fortunately he quickly realized what was happening and he stopped to let me live another day. It was craziness. I have other MUNI bus driver stories too, but I'll save those for another day. Anyways, in Ireland, customer service is top notch all around. I had great experiences with bank and post office workers. But I was particularly impressed by our bus drivers when I went on a couple of day tours. Not only were they good at their jobs (maneuvering those narrow roads in Ireland), but they were just super cool and super nice. At the end of the day on first tour, after the driver Eamon dropped everyone off at the Galway coach station, this other party and myself asked if the driver would take us back to the Salthill area. He amiably agreed even though he probably didn't have any responsibility to do so. When he stopped in Salthill to let off the other party, who were a group of elderly women, he not only walked off the bus with them and actually walked them across the street to safety. Come on! You never see that. Eamon does Ireland proud!
I love buskers and generally anyone who tries to make a living peddling their art (except Lady Gaga of course, cuz I am not buying whatever "art" she is selling - I mean holy crap, did you see her new album cover???). Buskers on Shop Street in Galway and Grafton Street in Dublin remind me of the movie Once. Man, that was a great movie. And the song Falling Slowly has got to be one of my favorite songs of all time.
Along with sheep and buskers, ice cream is rather easy to find in Ireland. They sell ice cream pretty much everywhere - every convenience store has a soft ice cream machine. A 99 is a soft ice cream with a Cadbury Flake bar. Ice cream in Ireland is creamy, rich, and delicious, probably because of the Irish diary. I had the convenient store variety in Dingle, the fast food variety at SuperMac in Galway, the gourmet ice cream shop variety at Murphy's in Killarney, the gelato version at Gino's in Dublin, and the shake version at Shakes in Dublin. Oh and on my 2nd to last day there, I had an iced hot chocolate (like the frozen hot chocolate from NYC's Serendipity) from this chocolate shop called Butler's. Ok I am actually really craving ice cream as I write this. Should I head out to Bi-Rite for some honey lavender, or salted caramel, or roasted banana?
San Francisco bus drivers are assholes. I know I am generalizing - surely there are hardworking, professional, courteous MUNI bus drivers out there, but it just hasn't been my pleasure to encounter one. When I was in high school, I actually had the driver close the door on me with my foot inside the bus and the rest of me outside. The oblivious driver started to take off, with me hopping alongside banging on the door. Fortunately he quickly realized what was happening and he stopped to let me live another day. It was craziness. I have other MUNI bus driver stories too, but I'll save those for another day. Anyways, in Ireland, customer service is top notch all around. I had great experiences with bank and post office workers. But I was particularly impressed by our bus drivers when I went on a couple of day tours. Not only were they good at their jobs (maneuvering those narrow roads in Ireland), but they were just super cool and super nice. At the end of the day on first tour, after the driver Eamon dropped everyone off at the Galway coach station, this other party and myself asked if the driver would take us back to the Salthill area. He amiably agreed even though he probably didn't have any responsibility to do so. When he stopped in Salthill to let off the other party, who were a group of elderly women, he not only walked off the bus with them and actually walked them across the street to safety. Come on! You never see that. Eamon does Ireland proud!
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
day fifteen - sheep of insanity
Ireland Illustrated, Part Two:
During my first few days in Ireland, I was excited to see the herds of white, fluffy sheep dotting the verdant hillside. I couldn't get out my camera fast enough to capture the quintessential Irish scene (which of course is also a quintessential New Zealand scene). Every photo was coming out kinda blurry because I was inevitably on a moving bus. But then I soon realized that sheep are as ubiquitous to Ireland as Hello Kitty is to Japan and wats are to Thailand. They are pretty much everywhere. I even saw a show where this shepherd demonstrated how border collies are used to herd the sheep. There I finally got all the sheep photos that I needed.
In Galway, near the Spanish Arch is a row of houses by the water. One of these houses is red. I hope there is some ordinance which requires that house to stay painted red (and the other houses stay a muted color). It just works. Chi Young and I actually almost saw an apartment there, but when the agent showed up for the appointment, he said the apartment has already been let.
The Cliffs of Moher is surely one of the must-see tourist attractions in Ireland. The Cliffs were featured in The Princess Bride as the Cliffs of Insanity. The day we visited, it was initially pretty foggy. But within ten minutes, the fog shifted and we were able to enjoy the Cliffs in all their majesty. I did not see Princess Buttercup though.
During my first few days in Ireland, I was excited to see the herds of white, fluffy sheep dotting the verdant hillside. I couldn't get out my camera fast enough to capture the quintessential Irish scene (which of course is also a quintessential New Zealand scene). Every photo was coming out kinda blurry because I was inevitably on a moving bus. But then I soon realized that sheep are as ubiquitous to Ireland as Hello Kitty is to Japan and wats are to Thailand. They are pretty much everywhere. I even saw a show where this shepherd demonstrated how border collies are used to herd the sheep. There I finally got all the sheep photos that I needed.
In Galway, near the Spanish Arch is a row of houses by the water. One of these houses is red. I hope there is some ordinance which requires that house to stay painted red (and the other houses stay a muted color). It just works. Chi Young and I actually almost saw an apartment there, but when the agent showed up for the appointment, he said the apartment has already been let.
The Cliffs of Moher is surely one of the must-see tourist attractions in Ireland. The Cliffs were featured in The Princess Bride as the Cliffs of Insanity. The day we visited, it was initially pretty foggy. But within ten minutes, the fog shifted and we were able to enjoy the Cliffs in all their majesty. I did not see Princess Buttercup though.
Monday, October 14, 2013
day fourteen: fairies, crepes, and castles
How about talking about Ireland through illustrations?
The Irish people are extremely religious and spiritual. Therefore there are lots of Irish folk tales. One of these is of the fairy trees. Celtic legends tell of fairies who live in certain trees such as the hawthorn or the oak, and misfortunes will come to those who harm these trees. The people also tie pieces of cloths or ribbons on the branches of fairy trees to pray for those who are sick. On our bus tour, we saw a few of these trees along the road. I like folklore like this - it reminds me of many Chinese traditions we have when I was a little kid growing up in Macau. Sadly after we moved to the U.S., and as we got older, these traditions gradually disappeared from our lives. Magic is good and should never disappear.
One of my first meals in Galway was at this French cafe called Java's Creperie that serves giantic crepes. I had both a savory and a dessert crepe and a coffee (all for around 10 euros). They were so filling that I had to give up and left the dessert crepe unfinished - and that never ever happens to me.
Galway's a quaint little city. I quite like the vibe. But its tourist attractions are sort of a letdown. I had plenty of time in Galway so I was trying to see most of the attractions listed on the tourist map. One day I kept trying to find Lynch's Castle. I walked in circle around the marked location looking for the castle. After a while, I realized that I was standing right in front of it. The castle is a bank - a branch of the Allied Irish Bank on Shop Street! I actually withdrew money from this ATM just a few days before. Initially I was like, what a fraud. But then I warmed up to the idea. How cool is it to be doing my banking at a castle? It's not everyday you can do that. (Well I guess if you lived in Galway, you could do that everyday...)
The Irish people are extremely religious and spiritual. Therefore there are lots of Irish folk tales. One of these is of the fairy trees. Celtic legends tell of fairies who live in certain trees such as the hawthorn or the oak, and misfortunes will come to those who harm these trees. The people also tie pieces of cloths or ribbons on the branches of fairy trees to pray for those who are sick. On our bus tour, we saw a few of these trees along the road. I like folklore like this - it reminds me of many Chinese traditions we have when I was a little kid growing up in Macau. Sadly after we moved to the U.S., and as we got older, these traditions gradually disappeared from our lives. Magic is good and should never disappear.
One of my first meals in Galway was at this French cafe called Java's Creperie that serves giantic crepes. I had both a savory and a dessert crepe and a coffee (all for around 10 euros). They were so filling that I had to give up and left the dessert crepe unfinished - and that never ever happens to me.
Galway's a quaint little city. I quite like the vibe. But its tourist attractions are sort of a letdown. I had plenty of time in Galway so I was trying to see most of the attractions listed on the tourist map. One day I kept trying to find Lynch's Castle. I walked in circle around the marked location looking for the castle. After a while, I realized that I was standing right in front of it. The castle is a bank - a branch of the Allied Irish Bank on Shop Street! I actually withdrew money from this ATM just a few days before. Initially I was like, what a fraud. But then I warmed up to the idea. How cool is it to be doing my banking at a castle? It's not everyday you can do that. (Well I guess if you lived in Galway, you could do that everyday...)
Sunday, October 13, 2013
small plane
I am kinda in love with this song and video. It's Bill Callahan doing an NPR performance in a NYC community garden.
Lyrics:
You used to take me up
I watched and learned how to fly
No navigation system beyond our eyes watching
I always went wrong in the same place
Where the river splits towards the sea
That couldn’t possibly be you and me
Sometimes you sleep while I take us home
That’s when I know we really have a home
I never like to land
Getting back up seems impossibly grand
We do it with ease
Danger, I never think of danger
I really am a lucky man
I really am a lucky man flying this small plane
I like it when I take the controls from you
And when you take the control from me
I really am a lucky man
I really am a lucky man flying this small plane
Eyes scan the path ahead and all around
day eleven, twelve and thirteen: the weeknd
The weekend doesn't feel so much like the weekend when you don't have a work week. I am not complaining. Just stating an observation.
I've had a lot of time to catch up on all my tv watching. Here is a rundown of what I am watching:
Reality:
- Survivor
- Top Chef
- Project Runway
- So You Think You Can Dance
- Dancing With The Stars
(The reality shows that I watch regularly. I find them enjoyable but I wouldn't call myself a fanboy (except I am a fanboy for Cat Deeley). This season, we had Valerie Harper on DWTS, with Tristan. She has terminal brain cancer. She is not a good dancer but is a class act through and through. And come on, Tristan has got to be the sweetest guy ever. He got all choked up watching Valerie struggle through rehearsal, because he was so overwhelmed by her courage and determination. His choking up got me all choked up. Unfortunately but understandably, they were voted off last week.)
Daytime:
- The Chew
- Judge Judy
(The Chew is the only daytime tv show now on my dvr. My comfort tv show, like a chicken pot pie. And Judge Judy is like a lemon bar - straight up tart and thoroughly enjoyable. I like how she puts stupid/unscrupulous people in place.)
Comedies:
- Super Fun Night
- Trophy Wife
- The Crazy Ones
- Modern Family
- The Goldbergs
(Sitcoms I like. I think The Goldbergs is hilarious and is my favorite sitcom right now. Who doesn't love the 80's? I started watching The Crazy Ones for Buffy, but I am staying because of James Wolk - I had no idea he has such good comedic chops. Yes, the ah-mazing Happy Endings is no longer - sadness.)
Soaps:
- Hart Of Dixie
- Revenge
- Nashville
- Bates Motel
(My prime-time soaps. Sudsy and fun - and infuriating, as soaps would be. I am thinking I would like Scandal but I don't have a means to catch up on past seasons. As for Bates Motel, Vera Farmiga was totally robbed of an Emmy; her Norma Bates is crazy good.)
Superheroes:
- Arrow
- Agents Of SHIELD
- Elementary
(Superheroes and super-sleuths. Arrow and SHIELD I am watching just cuz. SHIELD is kinda meh so far. On the other hand Elementary is fast becoming one of my faves. Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu are fantastic in this - and I wasn't a Lucy Liu fan to begin with.)
The British:
- Downton Abbey
- Sherlock
- Doctor Who
(I am in denial about Matt Smith leaving Doctor Who - he is my favorite Doctor. He plays him just right for my taste, with equal parts humor, wonderment, and weariness. I love all his little mannerisms. There's still the 50th Anniversary episode in November and then the Christmas episode, and then that's it.)
The Champ:
- Amazing Race
(As you all know, I freaking love Amazing Race!!! It's so good that it should be called Ah-mazing Race!)
I've had a lot of time to catch up on all my tv watching. Here is a rundown of what I am watching:
Reality:
- Survivor
- Top Chef
- Project Runway
- So You Think You Can Dance
- Dancing With The Stars
(The reality shows that I watch regularly. I find them enjoyable but I wouldn't call myself a fanboy (except I am a fanboy for Cat Deeley). This season, we had Valerie Harper on DWTS, with Tristan. She has terminal brain cancer. She is not a good dancer but is a class act through and through. And come on, Tristan has got to be the sweetest guy ever. He got all choked up watching Valerie struggle through rehearsal, because he was so overwhelmed by her courage and determination. His choking up got me all choked up. Unfortunately but understandably, they were voted off last week.)
Daytime:
- The Chew
- Judge Judy
(The Chew is the only daytime tv show now on my dvr. My comfort tv show, like a chicken pot pie. And Judge Judy is like a lemon bar - straight up tart and thoroughly enjoyable. I like how she puts stupid/unscrupulous people in place.)
Comedies:
- Super Fun Night
- Trophy Wife
- The Crazy Ones
- Modern Family
- The Goldbergs
(Sitcoms I like. I think The Goldbergs is hilarious and is my favorite sitcom right now. Who doesn't love the 80's? I started watching The Crazy Ones for Buffy, but I am staying because of James Wolk - I had no idea he has such good comedic chops. Yes, the ah-mazing Happy Endings is no longer - sadness.)
Soaps:
- Hart Of Dixie
- Revenge
- Nashville
- Bates Motel
(My prime-time soaps. Sudsy and fun - and infuriating, as soaps would be. I am thinking I would like Scandal but I don't have a means to catch up on past seasons. As for Bates Motel, Vera Farmiga was totally robbed of an Emmy; her Norma Bates is crazy good.)
Superheroes:
- Arrow
- Agents Of SHIELD
- Elementary
(Superheroes and super-sleuths. Arrow and SHIELD I am watching just cuz. SHIELD is kinda meh so far. On the other hand Elementary is fast becoming one of my faves. Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu are fantastic in this - and I wasn't a Lucy Liu fan to begin with.)
The British:
- Downton Abbey
- Sherlock
- Doctor Who
(I am in denial about Matt Smith leaving Doctor Who - he is my favorite Doctor. He plays him just right for my taste, with equal parts humor, wonderment, and weariness. I love all his little mannerisms. There's still the 50th Anniversary episode in November and then the Christmas episode, and then that's it.)
The Champ:
- Amazing Race
(As you all know, I freaking love Amazing Race!!! It's so good that it should be called Ah-mazing Race!)
Thursday, October 10, 2013
day ten: breaking bad
I woke up at 3am this morning and couldn't go back to sleep. I think it has to do with the financial issue that came up yesterday. It might be a good time to start investing in the lottery. Or engage in some illegal money-making activities a la Walt White. Yup, I too could be an anti-hero on a hit tv show if I am desperate/opportunistic enough. Sure, prior to this, I would never tag myself as desperate or opportunistic. In my life, I have never exhibited either of those traits. I would never beg for anything and could walk away without a fight from even the things that are dearest to me - it's both a source of pride but also a detriment (I've lost people I love this way). But you know, you push a man far enough and he can do anything, be anybody. I am going to be broke soon enough, and lord knows I've always carried around a heavy heart and enough weight on my shoulder to give me scoliosis. A broken man has great potential for the badness to seep out. He starts to see the world differently. The first stage, which I've already completed magna cum laude, is disinterest and weariness. The second stage though is you start to be fueled by anger and hate. You want to take fate into your own hands and screw the world that has been screwing you. I am not there yet, and sometimes the edge is right beneath your feet before you even know it.
Anyways, the question is, in what way should I be breaking bad? Pimping? That's a very Asian thing to do right. Lotsa secret pimping in the seemingly quiet Sunset Asian neighborhood homes. Where do they get the girls from though? I know from Asia, but how? Is there like an online place where you can place an order off the next boat? If so, I hope there is a coupon. And I need ones that are not sad. I don't like sad prostitutes - they make me really guilty. Like I would feel responsible to make them happy and worthy and self-actualized. Heck, if you give me a batch of sad prostitutes, I would feel responsible to send the whole lot to college so they can become doctors and lawyers. So if I am going to do this pimping thing, I need to get prostitutes that won't make me feel guilty, that will just go about doing their merry little jobs with no tears, like they are just workers at Costco or something. (The same goes for strippers. You put a sad stripper in front of me - you know, the one with the vacant look in the eye, and I want to stuff a savings bond down her g-string.)
I will give this some more thought tonight, as I lie awake at 3am. Any other ideas are welcomed. The edge is near.
Anyways, the question is, in what way should I be breaking bad? Pimping? That's a very Asian thing to do right. Lotsa secret pimping in the seemingly quiet Sunset Asian neighborhood homes. Where do they get the girls from though? I know from Asia, but how? Is there like an online place where you can place an order off the next boat? If so, I hope there is a coupon. And I need ones that are not sad. I don't like sad prostitutes - they make me really guilty. Like I would feel responsible to make them happy and worthy and self-actualized. Heck, if you give me a batch of sad prostitutes, I would feel responsible to send the whole lot to college so they can become doctors and lawyers. So if I am going to do this pimping thing, I need to get prostitutes that won't make me feel guilty, that will just go about doing their merry little jobs with no tears, like they are just workers at Costco or something. (The same goes for strippers. You put a sad stripper in front of me - you know, the one with the vacant look in the eye, and I want to stuff a savings bond down her g-string.)
I will give this some more thought tonight, as I lie awake at 3am. Any other ideas are welcomed. The edge is near.
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
day nine: raise the debt roof
It's Ikea Day today. Not like an official day with a parade or anything but just a day where I decide to drive down to Palo Alto (it's actually East Palo Alto - but I drop the East cuz it's kinda ghetto) to roam around Ikea. I actually went specifically to buy a pot and frying pan. I got out of there with said pot and pan and a bath mat. I picked up numerous things and then put back numerous things. It's good that Ikea is big enough where by the time you walk around, you are able to talk yourself out of most of your impulse buys. Otherwise I would have bought a napkin holder, a stainless steel mixing bowl, a blanket, and an LED lightbulb. Oh ok - I did buy a dark chocolate bar for $1. It's dark chocolate, so it's practically like a health supplement.
Then I went to afternoon tea at this place on Irving where you can get a small bowl of beef stew ho fun for $2.75 and then an iced lemon tea for $1.35. I also went and bought some buns that were three for a dollar. I love Chinese bargains!
But after I came home, I got a letter from the government. It says I owe them money (lotsa money!). I was like, what???!!! Of course it's got to be a mistake. A mistake on their part and not mine. Hopefully. I am looking into now.
I knew I shouldn't have splurged on that iced lemon tea!
Then I went to afternoon tea at this place on Irving where you can get a small bowl of beef stew ho fun for $2.75 and then an iced lemon tea for $1.35. I also went and bought some buns that were three for a dollar. I love Chinese bargains!
But after I came home, I got a letter from the government. It says I owe them money (lotsa money!). I was like, what???!!! Of course it's got to be a mistake. A mistake on their part and not mine. Hopefully. I am looking into now.
I knew I shouldn't have splurged on that iced lemon tea!
beards are the new black
Yeah so you cannot judge based on first impressions. Well maybe you can cuz the Afghan-imals are still really really really annoying. Regardless here is a revised ranking (of whom I am rooting for) after week two:
Rowan and Shane (the theatre guys - the requisite gays) - Gone - thank goodness - boy were they a mess! Poor shoe shine guy in Chile...
9. Leo and Jamal (the Afghan-imals - the requisite annoying team) - Ugh
8. Tim and Marie (the fitness trainer and her sports marketing ex boyfriend - the requisite super-competitive, hot-headed, bickering couple) - I under-estimated how annoying and evil she was.
7. Nicky and Kim (the baseball wives - the requisite athlete spouses) - I still cannot tell them apart from each other. And they need to hug each other a lot...
6. Travis and Nicole (the married ER docs - the other requisite black team or the requisite competent, smart, level-headed couple) - I over-estimated how cool, calm and collected she is.
5. Ally and Ashley (the LA Kings Ice Crew girls - the requisite high-maintenance blonde bimbos) - I still cannot tell them apart from each other. They would be wise to get divorces from their race "husbands" - the Afghanimals.
4. Jason and Amy (the snowplow company owner and girlfriend - the requisite boring dating couple) - Still totally forgettable and boring. But at least they are not irksome - yet.
3. Chester and Ephraim (the ex-football players - the requisite black team) - They plow through the challenges like the Hulk, or two Hulks. They won the leg and a trip to Turks and Caicos (which I didn't know was a thing til now).
2. Tim and Danny (the oil field workers - the requisite working class guys) - Boring but still blue collar, so still good with me.
1. Brandon and Adam (the beard lovers/requisite counter-culture weirdos) - Beards are the new black.
9. Leo and Jamal (the Afghan-imals - the requisite annoying team) - Ugh
8. Tim and Marie (the fitness trainer and her sports marketing ex boyfriend - the requisite super-competitive, hot-headed, bickering couple) - I under-estimated how annoying and evil she was.
7. Nicky and Kim (the baseball wives - the requisite athlete spouses) - I still cannot tell them apart from each other. And they need to hug each other a lot...
6. Travis and Nicole (the married ER docs - the other requisite black team
5. Ally and Ashley (the LA Kings Ice Crew girls - the requisite high-maintenance blonde bimbos) - I still cannot tell them apart from each other. They would be wise to get divorces from their race "husbands" - the Afghanimals.
4. Jason and Amy (the snowplow company owner and girlfriend - the requisite boring dating couple) - Still totally forgettable and boring. But at least they are not irksome - yet.
3. Chester and Ephraim (the ex-football players - the requisite black team) - They plow through the challenges like the Hulk, or two Hulks. They won the leg and a trip to Turks and Caicos (which I didn't know was a thing til now).
2. Tim and Danny (the oil field workers - the requisite working class guys) - Boring but still blue collar, so still good with me.
1. Brandon and Adam (the beard lovers/requisite counter-culture weirdos) - Beards are the new black.
day seven and eight: dull tool
Tuesday 10/8: Locked myself home. Spent the whole day actually trying to decide which flights to book for Chi Young for next January to fly him back to Ireland after Christmas vacation. I realized I kinda suck at making decisions. I am a worrywart so I am terrible at decision making. Not because I make bad decisions, but because I fret and second guess myself way too much. I worry about this and that. Yeah another thing I don't like about myself - add that to the list. After a long agonizing day in front of the computer (I did not make a decision), I did have the Fiona Apple/Blake Mills concert to go to at Zellerbach in Berkeley. It was ticket bought I knew I would be without income for a while. I was glad I went. But I was irritated because I couldn't even get a decent clip or photo out of the show. As soon as I took out my camera and started recording, the lady in back of me tapped me on the shoulder and said the camera was shining right in her eye. Seriously lady? Why so bitchy? It wouldn't bother me one bit if the people in front of me were recording with their cameras. But I put my camera away out of politeness (another thing I discovered - I am polite more than nice - they are not the same thing). And then the ushers were also acting as Camera Nazis. What the hell? In this day and age, who cares if you record a show? I mean, that's how people share now. I agree that if you spend an entire show recording, you do take away from the experience because you are not enjoying the show live; you spend the entire time looking at your camera. But that's on you - it's YOUR experience. Nobody else should care, including the artist or the venue or the damn people around you. This is not like a movie theatre. A concert is a different experience. Anyways, the performance I liked the most of the entire nite is that of Dull Tool. I love that song, and thought she and Blake Mills did an awesome rendition of it.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
day six: don't let go
Check out these awesome alternate Gravity movie posters here.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
day five: my open letter to miley
Dear Miley:
This is my open letter to you, to implore you to use your twerking powers to get me back to work. I am so tired of eating instant ramen for lunch for fear of not knowing how long this will last. I haven't bought anything online this whole week. I even began cleaning my house as a means of distraction. Yesterday, I steamed mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. I then watched youtube videos of old school hip hop like Doug E. Fresh and the whole Roxanne's war thingy. Man, that's good stuff. I think I actually like The Real Roxanne the best. I wish it were the 80's now - it's been a while since I heard a good "Yo mama's so fat" joke. After I was done reliving my old beatboxing days, I re-arranged my thimble collection - from chronological to country of origin. Yeah, I was driving myself batty, especially when I couldn't remember whether this one thimble came from Denmark or Finland - those Scandinavian countries always trip me up. Yesterday night though I did break down and went out to dinner at Armadillo Willy's and spent $20. I had baby back ribs with chipotle BBQ sauce, corn salad, and cornbread muffin with cinnamon butter, but every bite came with overwhelming guilt. I should have spread out that meal, into three. What if my money doesn't last me? What if I have to pawn my thimbles? I dunno - it was just maddening. It's not all bad news though. Yesterday just like an angel sent from heaven, Amazon Local sent me a promotional postcard with a $10 off discount code. I can use this to buy a local restaurant coupon. For example, I can buy a $12 coupon to redeem for $25 worth of food at La Salsa, so my outlay will only be $2. Yeah, Amazon is so amazing that it knows these are times of need for me. Thank you Amazon. You are a good friend. Thank you for the support and understanding. When times get better, I will go back to my regular shopping habits and be a good friend back again.
Anyways, getting back to topic: please, Miley, use your twerking powers for good and not evil (like making fun of poor crazy Aunt Sinead and her mental illness - she means well; she's just like one of those crazy aunts at Thanksgiving table who keeps rambling on after everyone has stopped listening). Nobody understands the power of twerking and riding naked on a wrecking ball more than you (though I hope you did disinfect that ball first - you never know where construction machinery has been). I mean, you did mastermind this whole career move, and now you are the biggest, most talked-about celebrity in the world (aside from that crazy Kiwi - Lorde - whose damn song Royals is cock-blocking you at #1 on the iTunes charts; seriously how the hell do you even pronounce Lorde - is it Lord or Lordy? - and what is up with the buttoned up shirts she wears? - eww). But as your other aunt, Auntie Madonna, says as part of her secretprojectrevolution (yup all one word), art can change the world. You should use your art to make change. You can change the world with your omnipotent twerking and your almighty tongue and your giant masturbating foam finger. Exactly how, I am not so sure. The other night, Auntie Madonna and Anderson Cooper in an interview quoted some dude named James Baldwin saying that "Only the artist can truly see and describe the human condition." It's all a little above my head - I am just a common man. You, on the other hand, ARE an Artist, and a strategist. Whatever you need to do, I believe in you. Aunt Sinead may not understand - she still thinks a shaved head and a soulful four-minute stare into the camera will get you attention. Lady, the 1990's have long gone the way of Beanie Babies. Now you have to do soulful stare sans clothes. Aunt Sinead's got it wrong. It's not about prostitution; it's about baring yourself literally and metaphorically. But you know better, and you can't stop. So show the world - it's your party and you can do what you want. It's your party and you can say what you want.
Take a wrecking ball to this deadlock. My thimble collection begs of you.
By the way, I hope you can see my jinx on Thor's brother is working just fine - Paranoia was dunzo before you can even say "Why is Gary Oldman in this?" Just saying - you might owe me one.
Sincerely,
An instant ramen eater
This is my open letter to you, to implore you to use your twerking powers to get me back to work. I am so tired of eating instant ramen for lunch for fear of not knowing how long this will last. I haven't bought anything online this whole week. I even began cleaning my house as a means of distraction. Yesterday, I steamed mopped the kitchen and bathroom floors. I then watched youtube videos of old school hip hop like Doug E. Fresh and the whole Roxanne's war thingy. Man, that's good stuff. I think I actually like The Real Roxanne the best. I wish it were the 80's now - it's been a while since I heard a good "Yo mama's so fat" joke. After I was done reliving my old beatboxing days, I re-arranged my thimble collection - from chronological to country of origin. Yeah, I was driving myself batty, especially when I couldn't remember whether this one thimble came from Denmark or Finland - those Scandinavian countries always trip me up. Yesterday night though I did break down and went out to dinner at Armadillo Willy's and spent $20. I had baby back ribs with chipotle BBQ sauce, corn salad, and cornbread muffin with cinnamon butter, but every bite came with overwhelming guilt. I should have spread out that meal, into three. What if my money doesn't last me? What if I have to pawn my thimbles? I dunno - it was just maddening. It's not all bad news though. Yesterday just like an angel sent from heaven, Amazon Local sent me a promotional postcard with a $10 off discount code. I can use this to buy a local restaurant coupon. For example, I can buy a $12 coupon to redeem for $25 worth of food at La Salsa, so my outlay will only be $2. Yeah, Amazon is so amazing that it knows these are times of need for me. Thank you Amazon. You are a good friend. Thank you for the support and understanding. When times get better, I will go back to my regular shopping habits and be a good friend back again.
Anyways, getting back to topic: please, Miley, use your twerking powers for good and not evil (like making fun of poor crazy Aunt Sinead and her mental illness - she means well; she's just like one of those crazy aunts at Thanksgiving table who keeps rambling on after everyone has stopped listening). Nobody understands the power of twerking and riding naked on a wrecking ball more than you (though I hope you did disinfect that ball first - you never know where construction machinery has been). I mean, you did mastermind this whole career move, and now you are the biggest, most talked-about celebrity in the world (aside from that crazy Kiwi - Lorde - whose damn song Royals is cock-blocking you at #1 on the iTunes charts; seriously how the hell do you even pronounce Lorde - is it Lord or Lordy? - and what is up with the buttoned up shirts she wears? - eww). But as your other aunt, Auntie Madonna, says as part of her secretprojectrevolution (yup all one word), art can change the world. You should use your art to make change. You can change the world with your omnipotent twerking and your almighty tongue and your giant masturbating foam finger. Exactly how, I am not so sure. The other night, Auntie Madonna and Anderson Cooper in an interview quoted some dude named James Baldwin saying that "Only the artist can truly see and describe the human condition." It's all a little above my head - I am just a common man. You, on the other hand, ARE an Artist, and a strategist. Whatever you need to do, I believe in you. Aunt Sinead may not understand - she still thinks a shaved head and a soulful four-minute stare into the camera will get you attention. Lady, the 1990's have long gone the way of Beanie Babies. Now you have to do soulful stare sans clothes. Aunt Sinead's got it wrong. It's not about prostitution; it's about baring yourself literally and metaphorically. But you know better, and you can't stop. So show the world - it's your party and you can do what you want. It's your party and you can say what you want.
Take a wrecking ball to this deadlock. My thimble collection begs of you.
By the way, I hope you can see my jinx on Thor's brother is working just fine - Paranoia was dunzo before you can even say "Why is Gary Oldman in this?" Just saying - you might owe me one.
Sincerely,
An instant ramen eater
Saturday, October 5, 2013
day four: like a truth
This was released on the internet yesterday. This is a Madonna essay that will appear on the new Harper's Bazaar. It's a good read. It reminds me of the journey of this woman's life - how a girl from Michigan who went to New York with $35 in her pocket became a superstar. It wasn't an easy ride for sure. There were a lot of lean and mean years in New York. Imagine if she had given up and gone home at any point during those years. This girl is tough, and she wanted it bad. And she did it. She, of all the megastars out there now, is truly a self-made woman. TRUTH OR DARE?
That is a catchphrase that's often associated with me. I made a documentary film with this title, and it has stuck to me like flypaper ever since. It's a fun game to play if you're in the mood to take risks, and usually I am. However, you have to play with a clever group of people. Otherwise you'll find yourself French-kissing everyone in the room or giving blow jobs to Evian bottles!
People usually choose "truth" when it's their turn because you can tell a lie about yourself and no one will be the wiser, but when you are dared to do something, you have to actually do it. And doing something daring is a rather scary proposition for most people. Yet for some strange reason, it has become my raison d'être.
If I can't be daring in my work or the way I live my life, then I don't really see the point of being on this planet.
That may sound rather extremist, but growing up in a suburb in the Midwest was all I needed to understand that the world was divided into two categories: people who followed the status quo and played it safe, and people who threw convention out the window and danced to the beat of a different drum. I hurled myself into the second category, and soon discovered that being a rebel and not conforming doesn't make you very popular. In fact, it does the opposite. You are viewed as a suspicious character. A troublemaker. Someone dangerous.
When you're 15, this can feel a little uncomfortable. Teenagers want to fit in on one hand and be rebellious on the other. Drinking beer and smoking weed in the parking lot of my high school was not my idea of being rebellious, because that's what everybody did. And I never wanted to do what everybody did. I thought it was cooler to not shave my legs or under my arms. I mean, why did God give us hair there anyways? Why didn't guys have to shave there? Why was it accepted in Europe but not in America? No one could answer my questions in a satisfactory manner, so I pushed the envelope even further. I refused to wear makeup and tied scarves around my head like a Russian peasant. I did the opposite of what all the other girls were doing, and I turned myself into a real man repeller. I dared people to like me and my nonconformity.
That didn't go very well. Most people thought I was strange. I didn't have many friends; I might not have had any friends. But it all turned out good in the end, because when you aren't popular and you don't have a social life, it gives you more time to focus on your future. And for me, that was going to New York to become a REAL artist. To be able to express myself in a city of nonconformists. To revel and shimmy and shake in a world and be surrounded by daring people.
New York wasn't everything I thought it would be. It did not welcome me with open arms. The first year, I was held up at gunpoint. Raped on the roof of a building I was dragged up to with a knife in my back, and had my apartment broken into three times. I don't know why; I had nothing of value after they took my radio the first time.
The tall buildings and the massive scale of New York took my breath away. The sizzling-hot sidewalks and the noise of the traffic and the electricity of the people rushing by me on the streets was a shock to my neurotransmitters. I felt like I had plugged into another universe. I felt like a warrior plunging my way through the crowds to survive. Blood pumping through my veins, I was poised for survival. I felt alive.
But I was also scared shitless and freaked out by the smell of piss and vomit everywhere, especially in the entryway of my third-floor walk-up.
And all the homeless people on the street. This wasn't anything I prepared for in Rochester, Michigan. Trying to be a professional dancer, paying my rent by posing nude for art classes, staring at people staring at me naked. Daring them to think of me as anything but a form they were trying to capture with their pencils and charcoal. I was defiant. Hell-bent on surviving. On making it. But it was hard and it was lonely, and I had to dare myself every day to keep going. Sometimes I would play the victim and cry in my shoe box of a bedroom with a window that faced a wall, watching the pigeons shit on my windowsill. And I wondered if it was all worth it, but then I would pull myself together and look at a postcard of Frida Kahlo taped to my wall, and the sight of her mustache consoled me. Because she was an artist who didn't care what people thought. I admired her. She was daring. People gave her a hard time. Life gave her a hard time. If she could do it, then so could I.
When you're 25, it's a little bit easier to be daring, especially if you are a pop star, because eccentric behavior is expected from you. By then I was shaving under my arms, but I was also wearing as many crucifixes around my neck as I could carry, and telling people in interviews that I did it because I thought Jesus was sexy. Well, he was sexy to me, but I also said it to be provocative. I have a funny relationship with religion. I'm a big believer in ritualistic behavior as long as it doesn't hurt anybody. But I'm not a big fan of rules. And yet we cannot live in a world without order. But for me, there is a difference between rules and order. Rules people follow without question. Order is what happens when words and actions bring people together, not tear them apart. Yes, I like to provoke; it's in my DNA. But nine times out of 10, there's a reason for it.
At 35, I was divorced and looking for love in all the wrong places. I decided that I needed to be more than a girl with gold teeth and gangster boyfriends. More than a sexual provocateur imploring girls not to go for second-best baby. I began to search for meaning and a real sense of purpose in life. I wanted to be a mother, but I realized that just because I was a freedom fighter didn't mean I was qualified to raise a child. I decided I needed to have a spiritual life. That's when I discovered Kabbalah.
They say that when the student is ready, the teacher appears, and I'm afraid that cliché applied to me as well. That was the next daring period of my life. In the beginning I sat at the back of the classroom. I was usually the only female. Everyone looked very serious. Most of the men wore suits and kippahs. No one noticed me and no one seemed to care, and that suited me just fine. What the teacher was saying blew my mind. Resonated with me. Inspired me. We were talking about God and heaven and hell, but I didn't feel like religious dogma was being shoved down my throat. I was learning about science and quantum physics. I was reading Aramaic. I was studying history. I was introduced to an ancient wisdom that I could apply to my life in a practical way. And for once, questions and debate were encouraged. This was my kind of place.
When the world discovered I was studying Kabbalah, I was accused of joining a cult. I was accused of being brainwashed. Of giving away all my money. I was accused of all sorts of crazy things. If I became a Buddhist—put an altar in my house and started chanting "Nam-myoho-renge-kyo"—no one would have bothered me at all. I mean no disrespect to Buddhists, but Kabbalah really freaked people out. It still does. Now, you would think that studying the mystical interpretation of the Old Testament and trying to understand the secrets of the universe was a harmless thing to do. I wasn't hurting anybody. Just going to class, taking notes in my spiral notebook, contemplating my future. I was actually trying to become a better person.
For some reason, that made people nervous. It made people mad. Was I doing something dangerous? It forced me to ask myself, Is trying to have a relationship with God daring? Maybe it is.
When I was 45, I was married again, with two children and living in England. I consider moving to a foreign country to be a very daring act. It wasn't easy for me. Just because we speak the same language doesn't mean we speak the same language. I didn't understand that there was still a class system. I didn't understand pub culture. I didn't understand that being openly ambitious was frowned upon. Once again I felt alone. But I stuck it out and I found my way, and I grew to love English wit, Georgian architecture, sticky toffee pudding, and the English countryside. There is nothing more beautiful than the English countryside.
Then I decided that I had an embarrassment of riches and that there were too many children in the world without parents or families to love them. I applied to an international adoption agency and went through all the bureaucracy, testing, and waiting that everyone else goes through when they adopt. As fate would have it, in the middle of this process a woman reached out to me from a small country in Africa called Malawi, and told me about the millions of children orphaned by AIDS. Before you could say "Zikomo Kwambiri," I was in the airport in Lilongwe heading to an orphanage in Mchinji, where I met my son David. And that was the beginning of another daring chapter of my life. I didn't know that trying to adopt a child was going to land me in another shit storm. But it did. I was accused of kidnapping, child trafficking, using my celebrity muscle to jump ahead in the line, bribing government officials, witchcraft, you name it. Certainly I had done something illegal!
This was an eye-opening experience. A real low point in my life. I could get my head around people giving me a hard time for simulating masturbation onstage or publishing my Sex book, even kissing Britney Spears at an awards show, but trying to save a child's life was not something I thought I would be punished for. Friends tried to cheer me up by telling me to think of it all as labor pains that we all have to go through when we give birth. This was vaguely comforting. In any case, I got through it. I survived.
When I adopted Mercy James, I put my armor on. I tried to be more prepared. I braced myself. This time I was accused by a female Malawian judge that because I was divorced, I was an unfit mother. I fought the supreme court and I won. It took almost another year and many lawyers. I still got the shit kicked out of me, but it didn't hurt as much. And looking back, I do not regret one moment of the fight.
One of the many things I learned from all of this: If you aren't willing to fight for what you believe in, then don't even enter the ring.
Ten years later, here I am, divorced and living in New York. I have been blessed with four amazing children. I try to teach them to think outside the box. To be daring. To choose to do things because they are the right thing to do, not because everybody else is doing them. I have started making films, which is probably the most challenging and rewarding thing I have ever done. I am building schools for girls in Islamic countries and studying the Qur'an. I think it is important to study all the holy books. As my friend Yaman always tells me, a good Muslim is a good Jew, and a good Jew is a good Christian, and so forth. I couldn't agree more. To some people this is a very daring thought.
As life goes on (and thank goodness it has), the idea of being daring has become the norm for me. Of course, this is all about perception because asking questions, challenging people's ideas and belief systems, and defending those who don't have a voice have become a part of my everyday life. In my book, it is normal.
In my book, everyone is doing something daring. Please open this book. I dare you.
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