I don't know how people have the heart to leave. I know I wouldn't. I understand people feel the need to get on with their lives, make choices that take them away. But I honestly don't get it. How do people make those choices without regard of the people around them? That - people - is always what weighs heaviest on my decision-making. For example, I would never make a choice to leave my mother to her own devices, regardless of what the opportunity is or how my life would be enriched. It wouldn't matter to me. I deeply understand that no matter who I am, I am nothing without family. When I look at myself, it's not just me I am seeing; it's me and all my attachments. Do I think my attachments hold me back, bound me? No, I think my attachments keep me together. My attachments are my glue, rather than my shackles. I happily stay for the people. It's not a sacrifice in my eyes. It's just what you do.
But a lot of people don't think this way. And it's depressing as hell to me. I have a big pit in my stomach tonight. I learned the Kid may end up staying in Ireland. It may not end up just being a one-year stint. Yeah, this news killed me. I am not good at letting go, setting things free. I feel as if I were to put my cards in, invest, other people should too. It should be an honor system. That's the thing about life, the way people come in and out - I don't understand it. Why not stay? Why not make that choice?
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